


The Ring of May

by RachaelGold



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-12
Updated: 2018-05-12
Packaged: 2019-05-05 17:37:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 27,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14623739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RachaelGold/pseuds/RachaelGold
Summary: Chakotay is engaged to Seven, whose mood swings are proving difficult to live with. He shares one night of passion with Kathryn, which results in a complicated ménage à trois for a while. After Kathryn distances herself from both of them, Chakotay is left wondering if there is any way to win her back again.Setting: Post Endgame (canon friendly)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I know some people will find it hard to stomach Chakotay staying with Seven after touching Kathryn, but I hope I have justified it, and it is necessary for the plot of this tale. If we can't let our imaginations run free then there would be no stories! Besides, I happen to think Chakotay is an idiot for going with Seven in the first place.

Kathryn did her best to stifle the sigh, as she looked through the glass panel at the agitated woman pacing the drab clinical room beyond, unaware that she was being observed. This was Seven as they hardly knew her: a confused and desperate woman, engaged to her former First Officer, yet unable to control the emotions surging through her. 

"Does she understand what's happening?" she asked of Chakotay, who was standing next to her, solemnly regarding the same scene. 

"Yes. She's not hallucinating or anything. You'll find her rational, but agitated. She fully admits what happened, and understands that it was wrong. She just loses control. The slightest little disturbance sends her over the edge. I hardly know what to do for the best. She says she does not want me here...she wants you." 

Kathryn looked at him sympathetically. She understood his frustration. "Will they detain her?" 

"At least for several days. They want the psychiatric counsellor to assess her. We may not know until the morning whether she will be charged for assault…but in any case they won't release her until they're sure she's not a danger to herself and others." Kathryn merely nodded in response. "I wish I'd never let her have that fail-safe device deactivated… It was a disaster waiting to happen." 

"You weren't to know she wouldn't cope…Even the Doctor didn't envisage this." 

"It should have been done a small step at a time, as he first proposed. It was too much all at once. He should have run simulations first….Where is he by the way? She could use his support right now!" 

"His program is in bits at HQ…so don't hold your breath. How's the victim?" 

"He'll live. The injuries from the nanoprobes were soon fixed. His equanimity is another matter….He's all out for maximum punishment. Baying for blood." 

"Borgophobic?" 

"Hardly surprising. He lost a brother and an uncle at Wolf 359." 

"Hmm." 

"He baited her." 

"You were there?" 

"Yes. But not near enough to stop it. He called her all sorts of insulting names….spat at her. If I'd been near enough, I might have been able to get her to leave. But you'd hardly recognise her, Kathryn. She's not the same calm, analytical woman. The old Seven would have dismissed it as irrelevant and gone on to some other task. She has coped with many people fearing or detesting her in the past, but I hardly know who she is any more. She argued back. It all got very graphic, until she seized him by the throat and pressed her nanoprobes into him. They had to sedate her to get her off him…" 

"Oh G-d!" Kathryn groaned. They stood in silence watching the subject of their discussion with increasing despondency. "This is very serious, Chakotay. The authorities may take a very harsh line on this." 

"I know," he said miserably. 

"She's been asking for me?" 

"Yes. She's been upset for a while that you haven't visited. It's too bad, Kathryn! Why have you stayed away?" 

"I had my reasons. But I'm here now. I'll see what I can do." 

Chakotay didn't answer this. He had his suspicions as to what those reasons might be. 

Kathryn nodded at the guard by the door. "May I go in now?" 

"Of course, Admiral," returned the guard, turning to unlock the door to Seven's cell. "We'll monitor things from out here. If you seem to be in any danger, or if you are at all uneasy, we can have you out in seconds." 

Kathryn nodded. "Thank you, lieutenant." She threw one last glance of resignation at Chakotay, who tried to smile his support and encouragement to her, then she dipped through the door. 

  


* * *

  


Seven stopped her pacing as Kathryn entered her room. For a moment she stood stunned, and then she threw her arms around her former mentor in relief. 

A sob escaped her throat. "Captain..Kathryn…y..you came!" cried a voice that sounded as though its owner couldn't quite believe it. 

"As soon as I could," responded a surprised Kathryn, rubbing her hands over Seven's back in an effort to comfort her. 

"I am in serious trouble. I don't know what I can do. I think they're going to put me in jail." 

"Now, Seven," responded Kathryn's soothing voice, "It won't come to that. You'll probably have to stay here a while. At least until they know it's safe to let you out again." 

"It'll never be safe to let me out again." 

"Yes it will. There must be a way to help you cope with all the mood swings. The Doctors will find a way to help you through this…" 

"Drugged up with chemicals? I understand that's just another way to control my body…" 

"With patience, they'll find a balance that's right for you." 

"It was a mistake, wasn't it? To have my fail-safe device removed." 

"Maybe it was too much in one go. But I'm sure in time…" 

"It was horrible, you know." 

"You want to tell me about it?" 

"They dragged me away. I could hear them…my mother and father screaming in pain." Kathryn felt a ripple of surprise. Seven's musings had taken an unexpected direction. "I remember being so afraid. They were coming for me next. I tried to hide, I was so scared, but they knew where I was. They dragged me…and they injected me with their nanoprobes. My head felt as if it would burst, my nerves burned in agony. Implants began to sprout all over my skin. And the pain was terrible. But then the voices invaded my mind and a blissful numbness began to filter through me…and you know what? When that happened, I was grateful!" 

"I know. I experienced a small part of that myself…" 

"But you didn't live with it for years. You didn't lose your soul to the Borg." 

"No, I didn't." 

"After that day, I never felt anything again. I stood by and watched thousands more go through the same process. Limbs torn away and replaced with machinery. Eyes gouged out… And I felt nothing. A kind of collective indifference. I felt nothing until you separated me from the hive and my humanity began to reassert itself, but even then I still experienced a certain numbness until my fail-safe device was removed. I never had to deal with the guilt…the anger…the pain. Suddenly I felt again, and I felt it all. And I felt all that hatred. That man hated me!" 

"His hatred was directed towards the Borg, not you personally…" said Kathryn, trying to reassure the younger woman. 

"But I was Borg." 

"Under the control of a higher power. You are as much a victim as you are a perpetrator. Sit down. I'll try to explain." 

For a long time they discussed what had happened, both in the near and distant past, and it took all of Kathryn's diplomatic skills to try to alleviate some to the guilt the young woman was bearing. Her patience eventually began to pay off. The encouragement, the abundant optimism and the ability to rationalise of her former mentor most definitely had a calming effect on the stricken woman. 

After long hours of talking, Seven broached something that had been weighing on her mind. 

"Captain, I want you to do something for me." She was looking at her hands miserably, spinning her engagement ring round and round on her finger. "Can you tell Chakotay not to come? I don't want to see him. I keep sending him away. He doesn't understand." 

"Why don't you want to see him? He wants to be here for you. To help in any way he can." 

"Because it will never work. Us I mean. I am not capable of sustaining a relationship at this time. I know he wants to support me, and I appreciate what he does for me. But I can't make him happy. I can't do this right now. I am not ready." 

Kathryn studied Seven uncomfortably. This change in the discussion disturbed her, not least because it impinged on her own happiness. "Does it frighten you? Being in a relationship?" 

"No. It was good. It was wonderful. Perfect for a first love affair. But I've become such a burden to him, and that's not how I want it to be…" 

"He has never given me the impression that he feels it a burden." 

"Maybe not. He hides it well. But I have no wish to continue to cause him such discomfort, nor take advantage of his generous nature." 

"Don't you think Chakotay has the right to decide whether he wants to take it on?" 

"That's just it. I don't think he does. He's far too much of a gentleman to tell me. I know he gets exasperated with me. I know he wants more from our relationship than I can give him. He longs for more harmony and stability than he'll ever have with me. So you'll have to tell him." 

"I'll have to tell him?" 

"Yes, she said, slipping the engagement ring from her finger and handing it to Kathryn with a shaky hand. "Please. It can't wait. I can't face doing it…I'll get all emotional and…" 

"Seven, you have to take some time and think about this. Don't do it on the spur of the moment. Don't make a decision this drastic, when you're feeling confused, uncertain. This isn't what you really want. When you're feeling calmer, more rational…" 

"No, it is what I want. Please. Do this for me. Tonight. I don't want this to drag on any longer. I don't want him thinking our relationship is going to continue. I've known for a long time it is doomed, and I don't want to put him through any more heartache. You'll let him down much better than I ever could. And we'd both get upset, and I couldn't handle it." 

"I still think you should take some time to think this through." 

"No, please. Kathryn, promise me you'll tell him tonight." 

She looked at Seven for some time, trying to judge her present state of mind. The determination on the young woman's face was unmistakable. "Are you sure about this?" 

"Perfectly." 

"I still think you should think this over. I can tell him to stay away, if you like. And if you still feel the same in a few weeks' time, then you should tell him yourself…" 

"No!" said Seven emphatically. She leapt up and started pacing again, changing tack and drawing on her Borg mettle. "I want you to do it tonight! Are you paying attention?" 

"Yes, Seven," she said patiently. "I was listening." 

Seven placed her hand over Kathryn's, gripping it rather painfully. "Then it's a simple request. And it just requires that you inform Chakotay that our engagement is over. Please return the ring to him at once." 

"Seven?" 

"You will comply?" Seven's eyes had fixed Kathryn's with absolute determination. 

Kathryn sighed. Seven was certainly unfathomable at the moment, but she could equally see that Chakotay would be unable to get through to her either. 

"I will do as you wish." 

Seven smiled at last. "Thank you." 


	2. Chapter 2

Outside the door, Kathryn threw an exasperated look at Chakotay. She wondered if he had been listening in to the conversation, but his features registered expectancy, so she knew he was unaware. 

"How is she?" 

"Emotional. You were right. That's a very different woman in there from the one I've come to know over the last few years. She seems rational. Understands what has happened, accepts that she may be punished. She is resigned to being held for observation for a few days." Chakotay nodded. "There's one thing she's adamant about." 

"What's that?" 

"Can I take you home? I need to talk to you about something. This isn't the place." 

They went back to Chakotay and Seven's spacious apartment, and Kathryn insisted they both ate something before she broached what was on her mind. She knew he'd been a long time at the secure hospital, waiting in vain to see Seven, and hadn't eaten at all that day. Moreover, he looked exhausted. She replicated them both some soup and salad which they ate while the conversation awkwardly avoided the root of their anxiety. 

Afterwards, they went through into the lounge and sat opposite each other. Kathryn smiled gently at her anxious friend, as his sad expectant eyes rested on her. 

"There's no easy way to say this, Chakotay," she said, fumbling in her pocket for the ring Seven gave her and placing it on the coffee table between them. "She's asked me to return this. She felt unable to tell you herself." 

Chakotay studied the object on the table with a hitch in his breath. "Is…is the engagement off?" 

"I'm afraid so. I begged her to wait. To think it over for a while. To make a decision when she is less confused, less under duress, but she insisted I told you tonight. I'm so sorry, my friend." 

He gave a half-laugh of disbelief. It hadn't quite sunk in. "Did she say why?" 

"She seems to think she is too emotional, since her fail-safe device was removed, to sustain a relationship with anyone. That it's not fair on you…that she can't make you happy…" 

"Don't I get a say in this? Don't I have some right to an opinion as to whether it's fair on me or not?" he queried, his tone rising a few notches. 

"I tried to tell her that. I told her to wait and talk it through with you, but she was adamant she couldn't handle that conversation with you!" 

"You should have made her wait!" 

"I tried to, Chakotay. I really did! She doesn't want to put you through any more heartache." Chakotay snorted. "That's one hurting woman, confused and emotional. She's in a catch 22 situation: without her fail-safe she is too emotional to sustain a relationship, with it she was too _unemotional_. Maybe she'll change her mind in a few days' time, when she has had time to calm down and rationalise her behaviour." 

Something flickered in Chakotay's eyes that made Kathryn wonder. "Who knows what that crazy woman will think from one day to the next?" 

Kathryn felt a gesture of support was necessary and she scooted across the room, slipping next to him on the sofa and pulling him into a comforting hug. "I'm sorry, my friend. If I could do anything to make this easier for you….." 

Chakotay, it seemed, found this gesture of hers rather too comforting. His own arms went around her and a slight smile hovered on his lips. 

"You're here and that's enough." 

"I know…I haven't been a good friend lately. I didn't want to be in the way." 

"You would never have been in the way. I missed you, you know." 

"I know. I'm sorry." 

"I knew you were avoiding me!" He pulled her tighter. "Don't stay away. I don't want to lose our friendship." 

"You won't." 

"Good." His hands began rubbing her back affectionately and she pulled away quickly, a little uncomfortable. She studied his face carefully, as he sank back into the cushion of the chair. He didn't look too distraught, she thought curiously. Far from it. His own eyes were fixed on her, weighing up the rather enticing opportunity that was finally presenting itself, and a cheeky dimpled grin began to form on his features. 

"You don't look that upset!" she said, disconcerted. 

"No. I'm not." Kathryn felt a huge sense of relief wash over her. 

"She was right then? The relationship was in difficulties." 

"It was fine until she had the fail-safe deactivated. But I don't know her anymore. I've tried to stand by her. G-d knows she needs my support right now, but it's been a challenge. So you want the honest truth? I'm relieved." 

"Well, it's for the best then…" 

"It certainly is. We could have made something of it. I'm sure of that…but she's not the one who can make me totally happy. There's only one person who could ever do that…" 

"Oh?" 

"And she's sitting beside me right now!" 

Kathryn gasped, but did not speak. 

"You know I love you, don't you? I always have and I always will…" 

"Chakotay! If you felt like that, what were you doing with her anyway?" 

"I thought you didn't want me. I thought I could never have you…but I was wrong, wasn't I? We got home! You're not my superior officer anymore, and that changes everything, doesn't it?" 

It took a few moments before Kathryn answered. "Yes," she said quietly. 

"You do have feelings for me…that's why you've stayed away." Kathryn nodded. "Tell me!" he insisted, grabbing her hand. She started to pull it away, but he gripped it more tightly. 

"Your fiancée is barely out the door!" she protested. 

"She's not my fiancée anymore!" he responded with a nod towards the ring on the table. "So I'm a free man. Willing and eager. You're a free and single woman. It's our moment at last, and if having to serve beside you for seven years in the Delta Quadrant with a semi-permanent hard-on has taught me anything, it's to seize any opportunity as it presents itself!" 

Kathryn's eyes widened at his words. "Well…um.." 

"Tell me, Kathryn!" He gave a little tug on her hand. 

She lifted her eyes to his again. "Okay." She took a deep breath. "I love you too, Chakotay. I always have and I always will!" 

He laughed in happy relief, before pulling her back into his arms. "See…that wasn't so hard, was it?" He kissed her on the temple first. "I knew it!" This time his lips met hers, and a brief brush was swiftly followed by a ravenous duel of tongues. "I always knew it!" 

They finally broke apart, and he watched mesmerised as she brushed a tear away from her eye. "Spirits, you're so beautiful!" he commented. 

She laughed dismissively. "You can't mean me!" 

"Oh, I do mean you!" 

"Where do we go from here?" 

His eyes darkened. "I rather think the bedroom would be most appropriate!" 

"We should wait. It's too soon," she said, uncertainly. 

"Too soon? Dammit, we're not waiting another minute," he said, pushing up her sweater with his hands. "We've waited seven years already. This is our moment, Kathryn!" 

She trembled as his fingers began to feather her breasts, and her eyes closed at the intensity of feeling. How long she had waited to feel his hands on her body! The temptation to surrender was overwhelming. 

"At long last, this is our moment," he reiterated, and his lips closed on hers again. Sinking into his embrace, she finally accepted it was. 


	3. Chapter 3

They made love, hungry at first, abandoning themselves to the euphoria of emerging from the wilderness of seven years of longing. Later, came the sensual exploration, the tender caresses, the words full of promise. For both of them, the experience exceeded all expectation. 

Eventually they spent themselves out, and lay exhausted and naked in each other's arms. 

"You'll have to marry me, you know," he whispered. 

"Yes, I suppose I will." 

"And maybe then we can persuade Starfleet to assign us together somewhere…" 

"We do have some sway at the moment…we should milk it for everything we can get." 

"True. If we put in a joint request, there's a good chance they'll listen." 

"Chakotay, you can't give up your Captaincy. It's everything you've ever worked for…" 

"And you can't give up your Admiralcy either. If anyone deserves that rank bar, you do!" 

"Yes…but I don't like being tied to a desk. It wouldn't be a hardship to me…" 

"I couldn't ask you to do that…" 

"I'm offering. I know what my priorities should be, and I've sacrificed my personal life long enough for Starfleet." 

"Maybe we can work something out...find a way to keep both. You could have your office on board Voyager. Kathryn, I bet you could sweet talk those stuffy Admirals into giving you just about anything right now." 

"Maybe," she said, turning towards him with a smile. "It's certainly worth a shot." 

He traced a finger idly on her stomach. "Can I ask you something? It's best we talk about this…" 

"Mmm?" 

"Do you still want a family? I know you did…but that was a long time ago." 

"Time has a way of running away from us." 

"It certainly has. But it sure hasn't run out yet." 

"What sort of an answer do you want?" 

"An honest one." 

"Okay," she said, swallowing. "The answer's yes. Maybe I'm a little old, a little selfish…but I do." 

"In this day and age, you're nothing like too old. And you're one of the least selfish people I know." 

"Huh!" she protested. "How do you feel about it?" 

He flopped onto his back and grinned. "Actually? Rather enthused at the prospect." 

Kathryn laughed with relief. "Good," she said, snuggling into him. 

He slipped his arm under her neck. "It's a good thing I requested that they double the size of the Captain's quarters, then." 

"You did?" 

"Yep. Nothing like a bit of foresight." 

Kathryn's mood fell a little, as she thought that the family he had intended to move in had included Seven. 

"Chakotay, are you sure this is what you want? Twenty four hours ago, you were engaged to someone else." 

"The wrong woman." 

"Still…" 

"Let me show you something," he said, hopping quickly out of bed and disappearing for a few moments. He came back in holding a small box. He sat on the bed, and Kathryn pulled herself up to a sitting position as well. He opened the box, and there was a grey intricate ring inside, set with a large flat pearlescent stone. The metallic setting was a weave of tribal swirls, easily recognisable as an object reflecting Chakotay's heritage. 

"The Ring of May," he said softly, and took it out. He held up to the light, swivelling it around in his fingers. 

Kathryn had seen it once before. He'd showed it to her on Voyager. "Your mother's engagement ring?" 

"Yes. And my grandmother's…and several generations before that. It's over a hundred years old. The platinum was mined here on earth. The stone was cut from sacred rocks on Trebus and fashioned by my ancestors. My sister took it from my mother's body after the Cardassians had stolen her life from her. She passed it to me soon after…it was always to be given to the oldest son to give to his soul-mate. His one true love." He paused, understanding the unspoken question in Kathryn's eyes. "I never gave it to Seven. I knew it wasn't right for her." 

"You knew?" 

"Yes. I never loved her the way I loved you…" he said, with a croak in his voice. "I knew she wasn't the true love of my life." 

"Then why did you get engaged to her?" 

"I told you. Because I gave up hope. I thought you'd never come to me….and you had to come to me….I thought I'd made my feelings clear enough on New Earth, but over the years you made it clear that you would never risk compromising the command structure. And you never gave me any strong indication you felt anything more than friendship for me. Despair is hard to live with, you know." His eyes shone with emotion. "But thank the spirits that's all changed. Kathryn, this has been the happiest night of my life. It's been what I've wanted since I first met you. I know who my soul-mate is." 

"Oh, Chakotay!" said Kathryn, wrapping herself around him. 

"Put it on!" he said, offering her the ring. She hesitated for a moment. "It's a symbol of our betrothal." Kathryn took the ring with a nod, and slipped it on to her finger. It fitted perfectly and seemed to grow warm against her skin. 

Slowly, the metal lightened and the stone began to glow. Something dull and dormant had blossomed into life. Tiny shards of light began to sparkle on its surface. Chakotay cupped his hands around her fingers, to enclose it in darkness so that the amazing ray of colours could be seen. Every colour of the rainbow danced within the cocoon of his fingers, bouncing off their joined flesh. 

Kathryn lifted her eyes to his, open-mouthed at the delicate and amazing display of light. "It's beautiful!" Chakotay smiled in delight. "See! It knows!" he breathed. "It recognizes you!" She nodded, and he took his hands away. "I have a confession to make. I tried it on your finger once…when you were unconscious in Sickbay." Kathryn looked shocked at this. "It confirmed what I'd always known. The ring belongs on your finger." 

Her protest died on her lips and she fell back into his arms. "Oh, Chakotay!" she said with a sob. "Why have we wasted so much time?" 


	4. Chapter 4

She went to work. Incredibly busy, she hardly had time to dwell on the dramatic change in her life that the night before had brought, but she did steal a few a precious moments to admire the ring. Its dance had softened into a gentle glow, which was fortunate for it would otherwise have been spotted easily, and someone officious would surely have objected to her wearing it with her uniform before now. She discovered, however, that if she rubbed it with her thumb, the patterns played again in their wonderful array of colours. It was truly mesmerising. The scientist in her wondered idly whether it would dance on anybody's finger, that maybe body heat was all that was needed to set it off. Chakotay was such an amazing weaver of stories after all. But she wasn't about to test the theory. It would have broken the spell. 

The day flew by, and it was really quite late before she was skipping down the path to Chakotay's apartment, eager to greet her new lover. He came bounding out of the door to meet her, and she embraced him warmly. 

She immediately sensed a stiff distance in him, and he pulled back quickly, leaving a reassuring hand under her elbow. 

Her eyes sought his in question. 

"Seven's inside," he explained. 

"They let her out?" 

"Yes. Into my care, although she is sedated." 

"And you didn't think to tell me before I got here?" 

"Sorry. She's rather a handful in this state," he responded sheepishly. "I thought maybe you knew." 

"I thought she needed several sessions with the psychiatric counsellor…" 

"So did I. I must admit I was concerned whether it was right for them to release her yet, but it seems they want to monitor her at home. Kathryn, she mustn't know about last night…" 

"Of course, she mustn't!" said Kathryn in a tone that suggested he was an idiot to think she'd believe otherwise. "Is she on bail?" 

"No. She's been released. Somehow they persuaded the victim not to press charges." 

"Well…that's a relief. I called in a few favours. I didn't expect them to be successful so quickly! How is she?" 

"Talkative. Fairly calm…and regretting calling off the engagement…." he added, anxiously. 

"Oh, G-d," said Kathryn, her heart sinking as she pushed past him to go in through the door. 

Kathryn found Seven sitting in the lounge. She immediately noticed Seven had her engagement ring back on her finger, and was spinning it around nervously, just as she had in the cell the day before. She jumped up as Kathryn entered the room, and threw her arms around her. 

"Kathryn! You've come!" 

"I have." Kathryn's hands soothingly patted Seven's back and, whilst they did so, she carefully slid the Mayan ring from her own finger. Stepping back, she hastily pocketed it, without Seven noticing. She didn't want to be forced to explain the ring to her protégée. 

"Two visits in two days?" queried Seven. Kathryn blanched a little at this. She knew she had been a little neglectful of her lately, but she'd had good reason to stay away. She hadn't wanted to be painfully shown what she had lost by sticking so rigidly to protocol over the last seven years. 

"Well then, you are honoured. Admirals are very busy people." Seven managed a smile at this. "How are you?" 

"I'm better than yesterday…and relieved too." 

"They've dropped the charges?" 

"Yes." 

"Well, you are going to have to be much more careful in future," said Kathryn, as the two of them took seats opposite each other. "If it happens again, you may not be so fortunate." 

"I know that." 

"Is the medication helping." 

"A little. I'm not sure if it is satisfactory yet." 

"It may take a while. They have to get the balance right. Seven, I'll make sure you get the best possible treatment. I'll make some enquiries about doctors…" 

"I really would prefer the Doctor treated me. He's the only one I trust." 

"I'm sure you would, but he's still de-compiled at HQ." 

"Then perhaps you could use your influence to get him back?" 

Kathryn pushed her lips together in frustration. She'd been trying to do exactly that for weeks. "Believe me, I am trying. It is difficult to persuade people that he's more than several million lines of holographic programming, but I'll do my best." 

Seven nodded and a few moments ticked by. "You were right, by the way," she said softly. "I was in error." 

"Oh?" 

"I was too hasty in breaking off the engagement. You told me to think it over for a few days, and I should have listened." Kathryn's throat constricted. She couldn't answer this. She dropped her gaze to her hands, unable to look at Seven. "I was not in a position to make such a decision about my future." 

"What does Chakotay say about this?" she croaked, struggling to keep the emotion out of her voice. 

"He thinks I am too emotional to make any big decisions right now. He thinks we should wait until I am stabilised." 

"He's probably right." 

"Yes." 

At that moment, Chakotay came back into the room bearing two mugs: black coffee for Kathryn and tea for Seven. 

Kathryn was forced to stay to dinner and endure several hours in their company. Finally, when she was able to make her escape, Chakotay followed her outside. 

Their eyes met, full of despair. They didn't need to voice their hopelessness over this development. 

"I couldn't throw her out. Who would look after her? She's not fit to be by herself just now!" 

"I know," said Kathryn. 

"You can't have her with the hours you do at the moment…besides that would be just as frustrating to us as her being here." 

"I know." 

"And I can't tell her we're over. She couldn't take it right now. She's too unstable." 

"I understand, Chakotay, really I do." She paused to look into his desolate face. "Do..do you want to be with her?" 

"No!" he whispered vehemently. "I want to be with you. Kathryn, I know this is difficult, but please be patient. It's going to be a while before I can sort things out. I can't abandon her at the moment. Please give me the time to deal with this. It may be a while before we can be together." He reached his hand forward and squeezed her shoulder. 

Kathryn blinked back the tears. "Maybe I should give this back," she said, reaching to her pocket. Chakotay closed his free hand over hers, pressing her fingers into the lump in the material. 

"No! Keep it! I told you, it belongs to you. It's my promise to you that I'll come to you in the end." 

"Okay." 

Their hands fell apart. "Please promise me, you'll wait," he pleaded. "Kathryn, promise!" 

"Okay." 

He smiled wanly at her, and took her into a friendly hug. "Thank you." 

She stepped back. "Goodnight, Chakotay." 

  


* * *

  


They spoke over a secure channel at lunchtime the next day. 

"You have to tell her the engagement is off. You can do it gently, supportively. Tell her she can stay. That you'll help as long as she needs you to…" 

"I can't Kathryn. This is the worst possible moment…" 

"You have to. It's deception, Chakotay." 

"I can't do it. She can't take it just now." 

"Believe me, if you put it off, it'll just make things worse. If you don't tell her now, it'll be even more difficult in a few days or weeks…" 

"I can't. Right now I'm trapped. When she's more stable…" 

"And what if that moment never comes?" 

"You have to leave me to make a judgement. I perfectly capable of handling this. It's just going to take some time." 

"She won't thank you for stringing her along…" 

"Don't press this, Kathryn," he said firmly. "I do have an obligation to her...I was her fiancé." 

"She still thinks you are." 

  


* * *

  


A similar conversation occurred several times over the next few days via the comm channels and once over lunch during a break in Chakotay's work schedule. He had to put in a number of hours at Starfleet on crew selection and review of Voyager's refit. Whilst he was out, he sometimes got Seven's aunt to keep her company. He did not like to leave her alone for long periods of time. Kathryn tended to visit while Chakotay was out. It suited her not to be there when he was. They had both put on commendable performances in front of Seven, but it was easier to avoid exposing themselves to the inevitable undercurrents when they were all three in the same room. 

"You have to tell her. I told you delaying would only make things more difficult," Kathryn told him over lunch on another occasion. 

"Kathryn, she's too unsettled…" 

"She may never be any more settled." 

"I can't do this to her…not now." 

"I think that's cowardice, Chakotay." 

"It's not. It's common sense. Alright. You tell her then. It might come better from you." 

"No. This is your mess. You sort it out. You don't have to tell her about me. We can keep that quiet until some more appropriate time." 

"I'll think about it, but please remember, I have a certain amount of responsibility for her. I intend to stand by her while she needs me." 

"Chakotay, she's not pregnant is she?" 

"No! Heaven forbid! Besides she has no ovaries. She can't conceive. Not by conventional means anyway." He regarded her sadly. "Kathryn?" 

"Mmm?" 

"There's no chance you're pregnant, I suppose?" 

"Don't you think you should have considered the risks before you leapt on me the other day?" 

"No. I was only considering the benefits. And if you were at risk of getting pregnant then that was a bonus in my book." 

"Well, I'm not. My contraceptives are intact, thank you very much," she said with a huff. 

He reached for her hand on the table. "Why don't you get yourself seen at Starfleet Medical? Have your implant removed. Then when we get back together, we won't need to waste any time…" 

Kathryn looked at him, amazed. "Do you mean that?" 

"Absolutely. I can't think of anything I'd like more." 

"Well…okay," she said with a smile. "I'll do that. And what about you?" 

"I don't have one. No need. My body is poorly tolerant and Seven is…as I just said." 

"Oh." 

He rubbed his thumb across her knuckles affectionately. She had such beautiful hands. Slender and elegant. He'd always admired them. 

"You've stopped wearing the ring!" he commented in disappointment. 

"It seemed inappropriate somehow." 

"Where is it?" 

"Safely under my pillow at home. Somewhere close to my dreams." 

He smiled at this. "Kathryn…can't we sneak off somewhere? I can spare an hour or two…" 

"Chakotay!" she protested, pulling her hand away from his. 

"I want you so badly. Spirits, it's embarrassing how much I want you." 

"I won't sneak off and have some sordid affair. I won't be the other woman!" 

"You're not!" He looked at her sadly. He understood. "I promise you, you're not the other woman. You're the woman. I love you, Kathryn!" 

"Then you know what to do! You're the one who can make this happen!" 

But the days dragged on and Seven's ability to deal with her emotions did not improve. Chakotay, out of his concern for her, did not disillusion Seven. He thought, perhaps rather arrogantly, that Kathryn would be prepared to wait. It hardly crossed his mind that he could be wrong. 


	5. Chapter 5

Chakotay called Kathryn over to their apartment urgently one day, and she arrived to find their lounge in disarray. There was smashed china on the floor, vases, picture frames and other items which had previously occupied pride of place around the room. Chakotay himself had a reddened swelling on the side of his face, and threw Kathryn a look of helplessness. Kathryn sat sympathetically beside Seven who was sobbing on the sofa. She thought both of them looked traumatised. 

While Kathryn gently probed Seven as to what was going on, Chakotay set about clearing the mess and tending to his wound. It seemed someone had written some scathing article in a newsfeed about her, and Chakotay had committed the cardinal sin of trying to explain their viewpoint. This had in Seven's opinion been tantamount to siding with the author, and she had lost control of herself once again. 

"You cannot hit people, Seven. Attempt to assimilate them just because they disagree with you." 

"I know that. I don't know why I did it. I just couldn't stop myself. I got so angry." 

"You are going to have to manage your anger. Find some other way of venting your frustration. How are things going with your counsellor?" 

"My counsellor?" 

"Dr. Rowland," said Chakotay, gently. 

"Is she my counsellor?" 

"She certainly is." 

"Oh…oh. I get cross with her. She annoys me. Her suggestions are irrelevant, and her conversations very irritating. She talks to me as one would to a little child." 

Kathryn and Chakotay's eyes met hopelessly. It seemed Seven was making very little progress after all. 

  


* * *

  


"I talked to Seven yesterday," Kathryn told him, as they stood where they'd come across each other in a Starfleet corridor. "She's convinced the wedding's going to happen sometime. You have to tell her." 

"She is still too vulnerable." 

"She's stronger than you think. There are others who can pick up the pieces." 

"Where are they? It can't be you. It's too much for Aunt Irene." 

"I can spend some time with her. Then she has tentative relationships with others on our crew. Tuvok's asked her to Vulcan and I'm hoping to get the Doctor restored to us soon…" 

"What kind of a sleaze would I be to abandon her just now?" 

Kathryn looked at him with rising frustration. She could see his viewpoint, but she equally felt that it was not fair to Seven to give her false hope. 

"You know what? I think you're stringing both of us along." 

"No. I'd never do that." 

"Then face it, Chakotay. There's never going to be a right time to tell her. At this rate, you'll marry her before you tell her." 

Chakotay looked at her rather desperately. He hoped she'd be patient. He couldn't get past his feeling of obligation to Seven just now. "Maybe you're right, but I can't do it to her yet…." 

"I never had you down for a coward, Chakotay." Their eyes met, each trying to discern the other's thoughts. Something stirred in the back of Kathryn's mind. "Chakotay, how far will you let this go? Would you go through with the wedding just to please her?" 

"No, I'd never go that far." 

"Do you know, I'm beginning to wonder?" she said in frustration. She thought it over for a few moments. "Tell me, are you sleeping with her?" 

It was a straight question, and the shame flooded his eyes. He didn't have to answer the question. 

"You didn't even hold that back from her!" said a very shocked Kathryn almost to herself. 

"Kathryn," he pleaded, "You're a grown woman. You know things are never that straight forward. You've been around enough to know that two people can have sex without it meaning anything…" 

"Not mean anything? Chakotay, I can't believe you just said that! You of all people must understand that when two people join their bodies they join their souls too. They generate a spiritual connection. Very rarely is it just sex!" She was angry now, and her eyes flashed. 

"Trust me, it doesn't mean anything. It's just…comfort giving. It's not like I'd never slept with her before...." 

"No. I know that, but if you can turn back to her so easily, then maybe it didn't mean anything when you were with me either!" 

"Kathryn, it meant everything." 

"Then how could you, Chakotay? How could you? How can you make love to two women and not see that it's wrong? Somebody's going to get very badly hurt here…probably all three of us!" She watched him sadly, as he avoided her gaze. "It's never going to happen, is it? You're never going to sort this out." 

"I promise you I will. Just be patient!" 

Kathryn studied him carefully, hoping she could see some glimmer of a chance that he might end this intolerable situation, but she saw nothing. She cared for both these people. She didn't want to see Seven hurt, but in her view Chakotay's dragging this out increased the damage likely to be done to Seven's fragile state of mind. Assuming of course that he ever intended to act on this, which she now was beginning to doubt. Suddenly, her blood ran cold at the awful thought that maybe he didn't want to, that he was deluding her as much, if not more than he was deluding Seven. 

She took a step back. Her instinct for self-preservation took over. She had, after all, been hurt badly before. "No. I've done with being patient. We're finished, Chakotay. I want nothing more to do with you. Go home to your little love nest, and make her a happy woman!" she said, unable to keep the bitterness out of her voice. She turned, and started away from him, striding purposefully along the corridor. Deep down she felt the best thing she could do for the both of them was to leave them to it. And the best thing for herself too. She could retreat into her protective shell and hide from the misery that relationships bring. 

"No!" he said, stepping after her. "Don't do this, Kathryn!" 

"I have to!" 

"You promised me you'd wait!" 

She turned for just a moment. "And you promised me you'd always be by my side. Seems neither of us are good at keeping promises!" She pushed away again. 

"Kathryn…please!" He grabbed her arm. 

"Let me go!" 

"Kathryn!" 

She tapped her comm badge, stepping away from him again. "Janeway to transporter station alpha. Beam me to my quarters!" 

"Transporter station alpha here. Acknowledged. Stand by, Admiral," came a distant voice. Chakotay could only watch helplessly as she shimmered out of his life. 

The following morning, he found a small package awaiting him on his desk as he arrived at work. He knew what it was before opening it. The Ring of May. 

  


* * *

  


For weeks, Chakotay struggled to talk to Kathryn. She could make herself pretty unobtainable when she wanted to. His only successful contact was when he used Seven's signature to call, and it simply resulted in Kathryn reiterating her decision to distance herself from him. She was way more cautious after that, insisting her aides answered all her calls first, filtering Chakotay out before handing them over to her. 

Kathryn endeavoured to see Seven several times, bringing the newly reactivated Doctor with her on one occasion. She took particular care to visit when Chakotay was at work, and it was a relief to her that the Doctor took over a good deal of the supervision of the former drone. Seven certainly benefited from his influence and seemed to be making a lot more progress, though she would occasionally suffer a retreat into her emotional turmoil. 

Kathryn was fortunately very busy. It helped, considering idle time allowed for miserable reflection. Deep down, she was devastated, and she didn't want to spend time stirring the bruised fragments of her heart. She knew she had done the right thing, but it didn't make it any less painful. The added strain of visiting Seven, in the bosom of Chakotay's home and the scene of their one night of passion, made her decide that the best thing in the long run would be for her to take herself as far away from the two of them as possible. Hence, she put in proposals that would take her off planet for a long time. Her level of influence at HQ was reflected by the fact that her request was granted almost immediately. 

Glad that the Doctor would now be a strong influence on her, she decided to give Seven a final visit before leaving. 

Seven greeted Kathryn enthusiastically, as she always did these days. 

"Chakotay at work?" Kathryn asked, although she knew fine well he was. She had deliberately timed her visit so that he wouldn't be there. 

"Yes. I hope he won't be too late. Maybe you can stay long enough to see him. Perhaps you could stay for dinner?" 

"No….no," Kathryn replied quickly. "I cannot stay late. I have packing to do." 

"Packing?" 

"Yes. That's why I came round. I wanted to tell you I'm going off world for a while. I won't be able to visit. I'm joining a delegation travelling to the Beta Quadrant." 

"Oh!" said Seven, a hint of anxiety in her voice. "Will you be gone long?" 

"Several months at least. I'm sorry, Seven, if this is difficult for you…but you have Chakotay to look out for you. And the Doctor." 

"Yes, I do. But he'll soon have Voyager to command. He'll be leaving too. The refit is nearly finished." 

"Aren't you going with him?" Kathryn asked in surprise. 

"I haven't decided yet. I've had some job offers, one even on Vulcan. I have a lot to think about." 

Seven made some drinks and told Kathryn all about the job offers and her various anxieties. Kathryn could easily sense the disquiet in the woman, and did her best to encourage her to think on the positive side. 

It was sometime later when Seven mentioned something that disturbed Kathryn even more. 

"I want to ask you about something.." Seven said, her hand fiddling with her ring, as she often did these days when she grew agitated. 

"Is something wrong?" 

"I don't know for sure. It might be nothing." 

"Well?" 

"I think Chakotay has another woman." 

Kathryn nearly choked on her lemonade, but did well to recover. 

"What makes you say that?" 

"It just a feeling I have. He spends a lot of time at work." 

"It's a big job preparing to Captain a ship. I know. I've done it." 

"Yes, you are right. But there are other things…" 

"Mmm?" 

"He's not so enthusiastic as he used to be." 

"Pardon?" 

"In the bedroom, I mean," Seven whispered shyly. 

"Perhaps he's tired." 

"Or perhaps he's getting what he needs elsewhere." 

"Seven, I don't know how you can imagine that. You are the most incredibly lovely woman. He'd have to be insane to be looking elsewhere. I'm sure you're just imagining it!" 

"Perhaps you're right. I followed him once. He didn't do anything remotely suspicious. The only people he talked to were Starfleet personnel. He had lunch with you and coffee with B'Elanna later in the afternoon. But he didn't meet anyone who aroused my suspicions." 

"Seven, you didn't!" Kathryn responded in outrage. 

"Was it wrong of me?" Seven said, bewildered. 

"Why, yes! You've got to trust him. If you can't trust each other at this stage of your relationship, then it's destined for disaster." 

"You disapprove!" 

"I most certainly do." 

Seven pursed her lips in resignation. "I found something. He's had it in his pocket for several weeks." 

"Tell me you didn't go though his pockets!" 

Seven just glowered at Kathryn in response. "I will show you." She went into another room and used her nanoprobes to pick the lock on a drawer in Chakotay's desk. She took out a small box and brought it through to show Kathryn. 

Kathryn's heart was in her throat as soon as she recognised the box. "It's a ring," said Seven, flipping open the lid. Inside, dull and lifeless, lay the Mayan ring. Seven pushed the box into Kathryn's hands. "It clearly is a woman's ring. At first I thought it was a gift for me. But he never gave it to me, and he never took it out of his pocket. Why would he do this? Why would he carry it about with him the whole time? It doesn't make sense. I confronted him about it last night and he told me it was his mother's engagement ring. That it was very personal to him, and he did not intend to part with it. But he took it out of his pocket and left it in his desk today." 

Kathryn fingered the familiar box nervously, very careful not to make contact with the ring. "It is his mother's engagement ring. He showed it to me once on Voyager." 

"He had it on Voyager?" 

"Most definitely." 

"Oh!" breathed Seven with relief. "He hasn't just bought it then…" 

"No, absolutely not," said Kathryn, handing the item back to Seven. "You're letting your imagination run wild." 

Seven nodded, taking the ring from the box and studying it. "It is a cumbersome thing. Intricate, but hardly beautiful. I'm sure it would be a very inconvenient thing to wear." 

Kathryn watched in horror, hardly daring to breathe, as Seven placed the ring on her finger, and thrust it awkwardly over the knuckle. "And a poor fit. His mother must have had very delicate fingers…" 

Kathryn was mesmerised as the ring settled in place. She waited ashen-faced for the sudden spark of life, the shimmers of light to dance around the room…but nothing. The ring remained dull and lifeless where it lay, inert and incongruous on Seven's finger, and Seven was soon struggling to remove it. 

Kathryn finally found her voice. "Seven, you shouldn't go through his things. You should leave his private things alone…" 

At that moment, the two women nearly jumped out of their skins as there was a sound of the main door closing. Chakotay was home! Early! The eyes of the two women met in momentary horror, before they collected their thoughts and spun into action. 

Seven scooted quickly out of the room to replace the forbidden treasure, and Kathryn rose awkwardly to greet the surprise homecomer and fend him off for a moment. 

Chakotay entered the room, bearing a huge bouquet of flowers, and was just as shocked to see Kathryn as she was to see him. 

"Kathryn!" 

"Chakotay." 

"What brings you here?" said the man, embarrassed at being caught with such a magnificent gift for Seven in his arms. 

"I came to say goodbye. I'm off to the Beta Quadrant tomorrow." Sadness filled Chakotay's eyes. 

"You're leaving?" he asked in shock. 

"Yes" 

"How long for? 

"At least six months." 

"That long? We'll miss you," he said in disappointment. This was devastating news for him, but he couldn't blame her. 

"For Seven?" she asked, nodding with a doleful smile at the flowers. 

"Err…yes," he said awkwardly. 

"I must go," she said pushing past him. 

He grazed her hand as she passed, catching her fingers for a brief fleeting moment in his. "Don't give up on us, Kathryn," he whispered quietly. 

"After this little scene of domestic bliss? I have to," she said, meeting his gaze only briefly. "Take care of her." 

She moved into the hallway, where Seven caught up with her and hugged her in tearful farewell. An exchange of looks told her that the ring was by now safely back in Chakotay's desk. Kathryn stepped back, smiling a few words of encouragement and concern. And then she was gone. 

A few weeks later, B'Elanna informed her that Seven and Chakotay had set a new date for their wedding. 

"I talked to Seven yesterday," Kathryn told him, as they stood where they'd come across each other in a Starfleet corridor. "She's convinced the wedding's going to happen sometime. You have to tell her." 

"She is still too vulnerable." 

"She's stronger than you think. There are others who can pick up the pieces." 

"Where are they? It can't be you. It's too much for Aunt Irene." 

"I can spend some time with her. Then she has tentative relationships with others on our crew. Tuvok's asked her to Vulcan and I'm hoping to get the Doctor restored to us soon…" 

"What kind of a sleaze would I be to abandon her just now?" 

Kathryn looked at him with rising frustration. She could see his viewpoint, but she equally felt that it was not fair to Seven to give her false hope. 

"You know what? I think you're stringing both of us along." 

"No. I'd never do that." 

"Then face it, Chakotay. There's never going to be a right time to tell her. At this rate, you'll marry her before you tell her." 

Chakotay looked at her rather desperately. He hoped she'd be patient. He couldn't get past his feeling of obligation to Seven just now. "Maybe you're right, but I can't do it to her yet…." 

"I never had you down for a coward, Chakotay." Their eyes met, each trying to discern the other's thoughts. Something stirred in the back of Kathryn's mind. "Chakotay, how far will you let this go? Would you go through with the wedding just to please her?" 

"No, I'd never go that far." 

"Do you know, I'm beginning to wonder?" she said in frustration. She thought it over for a few moments. "Tell me, are you sleeping with her?" 

It was a straight question, and the shame flooded his eyes. He didn't have to answer the question. 

"You didn't even hold that back from her!" said a very shocked Kathryn almost to herself. 

"Kathryn," he pleaded, "You're a grown woman. You know things are never that straight forward. You've been around enough to know that two people can have sex without it meaning anything…" 

"Not mean anything? Chakotay, I can't believe you just said that! You of all people must understand that when two people join their bodies they join their souls too. They generate a spiritual connection. Very rarely is it just sex!" She was angry now, and her eyes flashed. 

"Trust me, it doesn't mean anything. It's just…comfort giving. It's not like I'd never slept with her before...." 

"No. I know that, but if you can turn back to her so easily, then maybe it didn't mean anything when you were with me either!" 

"Kathryn, it meant everything." 

"Then how could you, Chakotay? How could you? How can you make love to two women and not see that it's wrong? Somebody's going to get very badly hurt here…probably all three of us!" She watched him sadly, as he avoided her gaze. "It's never going to happen, is it? You're never going to sort this out." 

"I promise you I will. Just be patient!" 

Kathryn studied him carefully, hoping she could see some glimmer of a chance that he might end this intolerable situation, but she saw nothing. She cared for both these people. She didn't want to see Seven hurt, but in her view Chakotay's dragging this out increased the damage likely to be done to Seven's fragile state of mind. Assuming of course that he ever intended to act on this, which she now was beginning to doubt. Suddenly, her blood ran cold at the awful thought that maybe he didn't want to, that he was deluding her as much, if not more than he was deluding Seven. 

She took a step back. Her instinct for self-preservation took over. She had, after all, been hurt badly before. "No. I've done with being patient. We're finished, Chakotay. I want nothing more to do with you. Go home to your little love nest, and make her a happy woman!" she said, unable to keep the bitterness out of her voice. She turned, and started away from him, striding purposefully along the corridor. Deep down she felt the best thing she could do for the both of them was to leave them to it. And the best thing for herself too. She could retreat into her protective shell and hide from the misery that relationships bring. 

"No!" he said, stepping after her. "Don't do this, Kathryn!" 

"I have to!" 

"You promised me you'd wait!" 

She turned for just a moment. "And you promised me you'd always be by my side. Seems neither of us are good at keeping promises!" She pushed away again. 

"Kathryn…please!" He grabbed her arm. 

"Let me go!" 

"Kathryn!" 

She tapped her comm badge, stepping away from him again. "Janeway to transporter station alpha. Beam me to my quarters!" 

"Transporter station alpha here. Acknowledged. Stand by, Admiral," came a distant voice. Chakotay could only watch helplessly as she shimmered out of his life. 

The following morning, he found a small package awaiting him on his desk as he arrived at work. He knew what it was before opening it. The Ring of May. 

  


* * *

  


For weeks, Chakotay struggled to talk to Kathryn. She could make herself pretty unobtainable when she wanted to. His only successful contact was when he used Seven's signature to call, and it simply resulted in Kathryn reiterating her decision to distance herself from him. She was way more cautious after that, insisting her aides answered all her calls first, filtering Chakotay out before handing them over to her. 

Kathryn endeavoured to see Seven several times, bringing the newly reactivated Doctor with her on one occasion. She took particular care to visit when Chakotay was at work, and it was a relief to her that the Doctor took over a good deal of the supervision of the former drone. Seven certainly benefited from his influence and seemed to be making a lot more progress, though she would occasionally suffer a retreat into her emotional turmoil. 

Kathryn was fortunately very busy. It helped, considering idle time allowed for miserable reflection. Deep down, she was devastated, and she didn't want to spend time stirring the bruised fragments of her heart. She knew she had done the right thing, but it didn't make it any less painful. The added strain of visiting Seven, in the bosom of Chakotay's home and the scene of their one night of passion, made her decide that the best thing in the long run would be for her to take herself as far away from the two of them as possible. Hence, she put in proposals that would take her off planet for a long time. Her level of influence at HQ was reflected by the fact that her request was granted almost immediately. 

Glad that the Doctor would now be a strong influence on her, she decided to give Seven a final visit before leaving. 

Seven greeted Kathryn enthusiastically, as she always did these days. 

"Chakotay at work?" Kathryn asked, although she knew fine well he was. She had deliberately timed her visit so that he wouldn't be there. 

"Yes. I hope he won't be too late. Maybe you can stay long enough to see him. Perhaps you could stay for dinner?" 

"No….no," Kathryn replied quickly. "I cannot stay late. I have packing to do." 

"Packing?" 

"Yes. That's why I came round. I wanted to tell you I'm going off world for a while. I won't be able to visit. I'm joining a delegation travelling to the Beta Quadrant." 

"Oh!" said Seven, a hint of anxiety in her voice. "Will you be gone long?" 

"Several months at least. I'm sorry, Seven, if this is difficult for you…but you have Chakotay to look out for you. And the Doctor." 

"Yes, I do. But he'll soon have Voyager to command. He'll be leaving too. The refit is nearly finished." 

"Aren't you going with him?" Kathryn asked in surprise. 

"I haven't decided yet. I've had some job offers, one even on Vulcan. I have a lot to think about." 

Seven made some drinks and told Kathryn all about the job offers and her various anxieties. Kathryn could easily sense the disquiet in the woman, and did her best to encourage her to think on the positive side. 

It was sometime later when Seven mentioned something that disturbed Kathryn even more. 

"I want to ask you about something.." Seven said, her hand fiddling with her ring, as she often did these days when she grew agitated. 

"Is something wrong?" 

"I don't know for sure. It might be nothing." 

"Well?" 

"I think Chakotay has another woman." 

Kathryn nearly choked on her lemonade, but did well to recover. 

"What makes you say that?" 

"It just a feeling I have. He spends a lot of time at work." 

"It's a big job preparing to Captain a ship. I know. I've done it." 

"Yes, you are right. But there are other things…" 

"Mmm?" 

"He's not so enthusiastic as he used to be." 

"Pardon?" 

"In the bedroom, I mean," Seven whispered shyly. 

"Perhaps he's tired." 

"Or perhaps he's getting what he needs elsewhere." 

"Seven, I don't know how you can imagine that. You are the most incredibly lovely woman. He'd have to be insane to be looking elsewhere. I'm sure you're just imagining it!" 

"Perhaps you're right. I followed him once. He didn't do anything remotely suspicious. The only people he talked to were Starfleet personnel. He had lunch with you and coffee with B'Elanna later in the afternoon. But he didn't meet anyone who aroused my suspicions." 

"Seven, you didn't!" Kathryn responded in outrage. 

"Was it wrong of me?" Seven said, bewildered. 

"Why, yes! You've got to trust him. If you can't trust each other at this stage of your relationship, then it's destined for disaster." 

"You disapprove!" 

"I most certainly do." 

Seven pursed her lips in resignation. "I found something. He's had it in his pocket for several weeks." 

"Tell me you didn't go though his pockets!" 

Seven just glowered at Kathryn in response. "I will show you." She went into another room and used her nanoprobes to pick the lock on a drawer in Chakotay's desk. She took out a small box and brought it through to show Kathryn. 

Kathryn's heart was in her throat as soon as she recognised the box. "It's a ring," said Seven, flipping open the lid. Inside, dull and lifeless, lay the Mayan ring. Seven pushed the box into Kathryn's hands. "It clearly is a woman's ring. At first I thought it was a gift for me. But he never gave it to me, and he never took it out of his pocket. Why would he do this? Why would he carry it about with him the whole time? It doesn't make sense. I confronted him about it last night and he told me it was his mother's engagement ring. That it was very personal to him, and he did not intend to part with it. But he took it out of his pocket and left it in his desk today." 

Kathryn fingered the familiar box nervously, very careful not to make contact with the ring. "It is his mother's engagement ring. He showed it to me once on Voyager." 

"He had it on Voyager?" 

"Most definitely." 

"Oh!" breathed Seven with relief. "He hasn't just bought it then…" 

"No, absolutely not," said Kathryn, handing the item back to Seven. "You're letting your imagination run wild." 

Seven nodded, taking the ring from the box and studying it. "It is a cumbersome thing. Intricate, but hardly beautiful. I'm sure it would be a very inconvenient thing to wear." 

Kathryn watched in horror, hardly daring to breathe, as Seven placed the ring on her finger, and thrust it awkwardly over the knuckle. "And a poor fit. His mother must have had very delicate fingers…" 

Kathryn was mesmerised as the ring settled in place. She waited ashen-faced for the sudden spark of life, the shimmers of light to dance around the room…but nothing. The ring remained dull and lifeless where it lay, inert and incongruous on Seven's finger, and Seven was soon struggling to remove it. 

Kathryn finally found her voice. "Seven, you shouldn't go through his things. You should leave his private things alone…" 

At that moment, the two women nearly jumped out of their skins as there was a sound of the main door closing. Chakotay was home! Early! The eyes of the two women met in momentary horror, before they collected their thoughts and spun into action. 

Seven scooted quickly out of the room to replace the forbidden treasure, and Kathryn rose awkwardly to greet the surprise homecomer and fend him off for a moment. 

Chakotay entered the room, bearing a huge bouquet of flowers, and was just as shocked to see Kathryn as she was to see him. 

"Kathryn!" 

"Chakotay." 

"What brings you here?" said the man, embarrassed at being caught with such a magnificent gift for Seven in his arms. 

"I came to say goodbye. I'm off to the Beta Quadrant tomorrow." Sadness filled Chakotay's eyes. 

"You're leaving?" he asked in shock. 

"Yes" 

"How long for? 

"At least six months." 

"That long? We'll miss you," he said in disappointment. This was devastating news for him, but he couldn't blame her. 

"For Seven?" she asked, nodding with a doleful smile at the flowers. 

"Err…yes," he said awkwardly. 

"I must go," she said pushing past him. 

He grazed her hand as she passed, catching her fingers for a brief fleeting moment in his. "Don't give up on us, Kathryn," he whispered quietly. 

"After this little scene of domestic bliss? I have to," she said, meeting his gaze only briefly. "Take care of her." 

She moved into the hallway, where Seven caught up with her and hugged her in tearful farewell. An exchange of looks told her that the ring was by now safely back in Chakotay's desk. Kathryn stepped back, smiling a few words of encouragement and concern. And then she was gone. 

A few weeks later, B'Elanna informed her that Seven and Chakotay had set a new date for their wedding. 


	6. Chapter 6

Eight Months Later  


  


Kathryn Janeway was fuming. Of all the ships in all the universe, they had to select Voyager to escort her delegation on an eighteen week journey across half a quadrant on a diplomatic mission of utmost sensitivity. Their presence was required as a conciliatory influence at peace discussions in the Brimori sector. Her protests sounded churlish, and were largely ignored by HQ. She was told in no uncertain terms, that, if she had a problem with her former first officer, she should deal with it. Someone at HQ must have it in for her, she decided. Little did she know that someone at HQ had deliberately engineered this, in the hope of bringing about some sort of resolution between the pair. That person had a name, Admiral Paris, whose powers of observation didn't miss the true nature of what was going on here. 

Chakotay, Captain of the one and only USS Voyager, was, in contrast, utterly delighted. Freed from Seven's clutches, he had every intention of using the time to bring down the defences a certain Kathryn Janeway had erected around herself. He knew she had no-one else in her life. B'Elanna had informed him she had sworn off men for eternity. He also knew he had a battle on his hands. He was going to have to use every seductive weapon in his armoury. It had only taken him seven years to get her into his bed the first time, and this time he could possibly be starting with an even greater disadvantage. 

Kathryn beamed on board with Admiral Gordon, Senator Womak and Admiral Rittek, together with a team of twenty or so aides. Gordon and Womak were two silvery grey men, very different from Kathryn but with whom she had a good working relationship. They tended to be a little fatherly and more than a little in awe of their associate, and very bemused by her recent bad humour. Rittek was a Vulcan, as efficient and unsociable as Vulcans often are. 

Chakotay greeted them in the transporter room and escorted them to their quarters. Kathryn, he observed, was wearing her stoical mask of indifference, but knew that underneath she was anything but. She gave a curt acknowledgement on arrival and said nothing else after that. 

Admiral Gordon briefed Chakotay on the mission while they took a tour of inspection of the ship together, and he took a moment to draw him aside. 

"I don't pretend to know what's going on here, but that is one helluva stroppy Admiral we've got down on Deck 7. She really does not want to be on this ship. Period. I can see enough to tell it's not the ship that's the problem, it's her captain. My advice to you, young man, is to get down there and make some effort to smooth the waters… Otherwise it's going to be a rather bumpy ride." 

"Thank you for your advice, Admiral. I will see what I can do." 

"You want to tell me what's behind all this?" 

"Not really, sir." 

Gordon huffed. "Well, I will pry no further, so long as it doesn't affect our work. The two of you need to be professional about this." 

"Agreed. I will talk to her." 

  


* * *

  


He took himself down to the quarters that had been assigned to Kathryn, and she did admit him without so much as a smile. He followed her through to her bedroom, where, standing in the doorway, he watched her unpacking. 

"Was there something you wanted, Chakotay?" she asked, her tone indicating her annoyance at his intrusion. 

"Just to hold a civilised conversation with you would be something." 

"Well, this is the last place I want to be right now, so forgive me if I am a little short." 

"It's going to be a long eighteen weeks, if we can't be pleasant to each other." 

"Well, if you keep out of my way, I'll keep out of yours." 

He watched her, his heart aching. He loved her so much. "I know you're mad at me. I know I hurt you very much, but I couldn't have acted any other way. The mistake I made was to get involved with Seven in the first place, not to let her down gently afterwards. You're mature enough to understand that." 

"You slept with her, Chakotay! You were deceiving her…or me…or probably both of us." 

"I couldn't deny her…" 

"Oh yes, you could! You were thinking with your dick!" 

He looked at her, anger flashing momentarily. "If I'd been thinking with my dick, I'd have been with you since…that night and every night since. There is simply no comparison. Making love with you was everything sex with Seven wasn't. It was passionate, satisfying, electrifying…soul-searing. If you must know, my dick knows where it is infinitely better off." 

"Too bad it won't be getting the satisfaction of sampling the goods again!" 

"Kathryn, I know from your point of view I handled things badly. I hurt you and I'm sorry. But from Seven's point of view, I handled it perfectly." 

"That's how you'd describe it?" 

"Yes. She was the most vulnerable person in our ménage à trois. I never had to tell her I didn't love her. I never had to tell her about us. She left satisfied it was her decision, and I would have thought you'd be grateful that we were never cast as the villains of the piece." 

Kathryn's mouth twitched. He had a point. "But if she hadn't left…if she hadn't taken it upon herself to end the relationship…you'd have been married by now!" 

"You'd made it clear we were over! You promised you'd wait!" 

"And you'd have married a woman you didn't truly love!" 

"I cared for her! We'd never have gotten in this mess, if I didn't." 

She ignored this comment, and hung a few more items of clothing in her closet. His eyes followed her movements across the room. 

"I love you, Kathryn. I have never…will never love anyone so deeply and completely as I do you. I want you back." 

"You never had me!" 

"I want you back," he reiterated. "And there's nothing to stand in our way any more." He paused. "Do you still love me Kathryn?" 

She huffed. "Right now I hate your guts!" 

"Well good. At least that's some sort of emotional response. Look, Seven left, regretful that things didn't work out, but she doesn't hate me and she doesn't hate you, and in my opinion that alone makes the stand I took worthwhile. Now she's gone, and she's happy. It leaves the field clear…" 

"So you think that the fact that you and Seven are finished means you can waltz back into my life and pick up where we left off?" she asked, coming close to him at last, her eyes sparkling with defiance. 

"Oh no! I know you're never that easy." 

"I am not some toy you can pick up and put down just as you want!" 

"Don't I know it? But I am duty bound to give this everything I've got. I've eighteen precious weeks to convince you that we're so right together…that to let this drive us apart would be the biggest tragedy of our lives. So no, I'm not going to leave you alone. If we get to Brimori, and I still haven't convinced you….then I'll let you go. I'll live with the pain and the regret for the rest of my life, but accept that you've made your decision and I'd at least tried my hardest to change your mind. So get over yourself, Kathryn. You're not the only one who's hurting here!" 

Kathryn was breathing heavily, rather disturbed that she wasn't winning the argument. He reached out his hand gently and touched her on the arm. 

"Chakotay!" she admonished, pushing him away. 

"How about I fetch you a strong cup of coffee, and we can sit and talk for a while?" 

Kathryn's sulk lasted just a little longer, till she sighed. The prospect of coffee was a seductive one. "Okay," she conceded. 

They sat down opposite each other in the lounge, both cradling mugs in their hands. 

"How's Harry shaping up as second officer?" she asked eventually. 

"Rather well, actually. He's busting to see you. You can expect a visit as soon as he gets off duty. Right now I've left the Bridge in his capable hands." 

"I'm sure he's thriving. You should have seen his face just after you called him to offer him the job. He called me…he was so excited!" 

"A far cry from the young ensign you took to the Delta Quadrant!" 

"Oh yes! And what about Strickland?" she asked, enquiring after his newly appointed first officer. 

"Well. I'm not sure about him yet. Very self-assured. Too 'by the book' to my mind. And I detect a barely disguised antipathy towards the ex-Maquis. So all in all the perfect foil to my maverick command style…" 

She nodded knowingly. "So exactly the man you'd have chosen then!" in a tone that suggested that this was the exact opposite to what she thought. 

"Precisely. And you know what? I wouldn't fancy him in a million years." 

"Glad to hear it." 

"So I won't have to deal with all the sexual tension we had to…" 

Kathryn declined to answer this, and they spent some moments in silence lost in their own thoughts and sipping their drinks. 

Eventually, Kathryn broke the silence. "Do you keep in touch with Seven?" she asked softly. 

"Yes. I spoke to her last week. Tuvok is being a brick. He has endless patience with her, and the job's working out really well. Vulcan is the ideal place for her, now she's had the new fail-safe fitted." 

Kathryn nodded. She knew all this. She'd kept in touch with Seven herself. "Were you sorry she left?" 

He sighed, happy that she asked something so personal and pertinent. "No. I was happy for her….and relieved for myself. She'd made the decision that she couldn't handle the emotional swings any longer, and she asked the Doctor to do the transplant as soon as one became available. She never even consulted me. The first I knew about it was when she came back that evening and told me she'd had it done. And thank-you very much for the time we'd spent together, but it meant she couldn't continue our relationship. Here's the ring and she'd vacate the premises without delay. She couldn't have been more blunt. Ironic really, considering the months I'd spent waiting for the right moment to let her down gently…" 

Kathryn gave a half-amused smile. "I guess in her view protracted goodbyes are…inefficient." 

"I guess. We were a hopeless mismatch, weren't we? With hindsight, it's much easier to see." 

"Yes, Chakotay. I think you were." 

"So I am a free man…" 

"Well, you know that's really of no interest to me any more…" 

"Kathryn?" he ventured sadly. "Doesn't that wonderful night we had together all those months ago mean anything to you?" 

"No," she answered firmly. "Nothing. I've tried to forget everything about it. It was the worst mistake I ever made." Even as she said it, she knew she didn't mean it, and her gaze fell from his face. 

"You don't mean it." 

"Oh you think?" 

"Yes. You were right about one thing. It was too soon. We should have waited. If we'd only talked that night, we wouldn't be in this position now…with you barely tolerating my presence. Instead, the moment Seven had been out the door we'd have fought our way to each other…probably even been married ourselves by now and blissfully happy." 

Kathryn blinked, trying to prevent the prickle in her eyes turning to tears. Chakotay recognised it for what it was, and patted her gently on the knee. "I'll be going now. Leave you to your unpacking. Beware, though. Shunning all your opportunities leads to a lonely existence, and I really don't believe that's what you want for yourself. You just have to have taken one look at your older self to know that. You know, hearts can be broken by foolish actions, but they can be broken by inaction at the critical moments of our lives too. By the inability to take the chances that are offered us…when they are offered to us." He walked to the door, and turned back slightly. "We've never been on a date, Kathryn. In all the years I've known and loved you, we've never been on a date…" 

"Chakotay!" she warned. 

He grinned. "Okay. I know romancing you will be like trying to tame a spitting cobra, but I'm damned well going to try! So get used to it, Kathryn Janeway!" And he left, leaving a woman pulling a face in determined resistance. 


	7. Chapter 7

And so began the seduction of Kathryn Janeway. The flowers would arrive first thing in the morning, beamed onto the table in her lounge and accompanied by a few lines of affection. Other gifts would arrive at other times. Sometimes she would be pleased, sometimes irritated by his persistence. He arranged (or rather got Harry to arrange) dinners, music evenings and a variety of holodeck adventures: all part of the entertainment they naturally arranged as hosts for the entire guest party. He made sure he sat very close to her at them all. He took pains to look his irresistible best too. He would use every opportunity to touch her, to brush her hand, place his hand on her shoulder or the small of her back, tease her with flirtatious asides…something more akin to her behaviour towards him in the early years of the Delta Quadrant. In company or on duty she could not be anything less than civil to him. In private, the moments of complaint, the prickly response to many of his overtures began to subside, to be replaced by genial and interesting discussion, a gradual rebirth of at least their friendship. The spitting cobra was certainly losing its venom. 

Ten days into the journey, he arranged for a dinner to be held in the Captain's dining room…a room that had been reinstated once Neelix's galley had been ripped out, much to Kathryn's approval. Dress was to be formal civilian, and Chakotay arrived in a splendid tuxedo long before the other guests arrived. He fussed around the tables, making sure everything was perfect and giving last minute instructions to the two young ensigns drafted in as waiters. 

Admiral Gordon arrived with his staff. John Gordon was highly amused at the shenanigans between his team colleague and the Captain of the ship. He fortunately had no cause for complaint about any of it affecting the preparation work for the mission. Off duty was another matter, though he had detected a lessening of hostilities. He lifted one of the name labels, and noted with glee that Chakotay had placed himself next to Janeway at the table. He turned to Remmick, his assistant, and commented on the juxtaposition of the two combatants. 

Remmick grinned. "They're like a couple of hormonally charged teenagers. Do you think there was this much sexual tension on board during their exile?" 

"Hard to imagine. Otherwise, they'd surely have done something about it. Either that or caused a hull breach of catastrophic proportions." 

"My bet is they did. Till that Borg woman got in the way…and they say hell hath no fury like a woman scorned…" 

"Oh, I agree the Borg woman got in the way. But I think you're wrong about their command relationship. I don't think they ever crossed the boundaries. Janeway's far too principled." 

"Well, either way, I wish they'd just go fuck the hell out of each other and put the rest of us out of our misery." 

Chakotay watched them cautiously from the other side of the room. He couldn't hear what they were saying, but he had an idea he wouldn't like what it was. 

At that moment Admiral Rittek arrived, putting an end to any frivolous chatter. His sober influence and acute alien hearing saw to that. Shortly after, Kathryn arrived with Senator Womak. Chakotay's face lit up on seeing her. She was wearing a pale blue silk evening dress and looked amazing. No straps impaired the beautiful span of her shoulders. The dress was held up entirely by a close fitting bodice. There was a intricate line of buttons up the centre back, and he wondered idly how she'd managed to do them up. 

He held her chair for her as she sat down, allowing his hand to brush across her shoulder as he moved away. Taking his seat next to hers, he decided tonight was the night. He was going to make his move. He'd undo those buttons, one by one. He smiled to himself as a familiar warmth settled in his groin. 

Little private interaction ensued, as the conversation ranged the political and strategic implications of the coming talks, the progress of the preparatory work and latest news from other parts of the galaxy. He did however ensure her wine glass was well filled. He could rely upon her to partake enthusiastically. He didn't want to get her drunk exactly, just to relax more and lower her rather dogged resistance. It wouldn't hurt if a few inhibitions flew out the airlock, he thought. 

It soon became obvious to Kathryn what was going on, but she decided not to let it spoil the evening. She enjoyed the food, wine and entertaining conversation as much as any of the other guests, and she figured that she could handle Chakotay even after several glasses of wine. His disappointment would be quite gratifying. 

The dinner lasted till late, and the guests lingered long over the coffee before some began to retire. Kathryn rose from the table and expressed her desire to return to her quarters. 

Chakotay stood with her, and offered to escort her to her quarters. 

"Really, I don't need mollycoddling. I can find my own way." 

"I know you can, but indulge me. I would certainly enjoy your company for a little longer." 

It would have seemed rather petulant to protest more whilst in company, so together they walked from the room, making idle conversation all the way to the turbo-lift. On the way out, he grabbed a bottle of a rather superior red wine that had barely been touched. 

As they stepped inside, Chakotay ordered "Deck 3!" 

"Deck 3?" said Kathryn, slightly annoyed. Her quarters were on deck 7. 

"Yes. I want to show you what I've done with your old quarters." 

"It's a little late…" 

"Nonsense. We might as well finish up this wine…it's a rather good vintage." 

The lift slid to a halt and Chakotay stepped forward. Kathryn didn't move, her face looking somewhat defiant, so he turned around, grabbing her hand and tugging her out of the lift. "Come on," he continued. "Anyone would think you were afraid of me. You aren't, are you?" 

"No," she answered, but thought rather that this was Chakotay at his most dangerous at least from her perspective. It was a little daunting. She smiled wistfully to herself. A little exciting too. 

She followed him along the corridor, and he didn't release his grip on her wrist. 

"I think you'll be surprised." They arrived outside his door, and he stood her in front of it. "Close your eyes!" 

"What?" she asked in alarm. 

"Close your eyes!" he encouraged. So she did. "Don't open them till I tell you!" 

"Okay." 

He keyed open the door and steered her inside, setting the wine bottle on a shelf just inside the door. Placing a hand on both shoulders he walked her into the middle of the room. 

"Can I look now?" 

"No!" he said firmly. "Not until I tell you!" He took each of her hands and placed them over her eyes. "Count to a hundred!" 

"A hundred?" 

"Yes!" 

"One. Two." A tiny kiss peppered on her skin, just below the hairline at the back of neck, setting the tiny hairs tingling. Kathryn held her breath, unsure what she had felt, until another kiss touched just below the first. 

"Chakotay!" she protested, stepping away and snapping her eyes open for a moment. "Stop!" 

"You've stopped counting!" 

"You're taking advantage of me." 

"Guilty as charged! And you're going to love every minute of it. So shut your eyes and carrying on counting!" She glowered at him. "Come on! Where's your sense of adventure?" 

Against her better judgement she turned back and shut her eyes. "Three. Four." 

"Not too fast now! Or it won't be as much fun!" 

"Five. This isn't right, Chakotay. I should go." 

"Oh, I think you'll regret it if you do," came his voice, seductively close to her ear. Another kiss landed on the base of her neck, as his hands caressed her shoulders. 

"Chakotay, please stop." 

"Not yet, my love. Just relax, Kathryn. Just feel! Clear everything from your mind and let your body just feel! If you get to a hundred and you still want me to stop…I will. That's a promise. Okay?" 

She waited a long time before answering. Maybe it was the wine, maybe it was his powerful effect on her, maybe she was actually enjoying this. "Okay." 

"Good." He kissed her again, a little lower still. The ridges of her spine felt firm, warm and erotic beneath his lips. He was sure he detected a tiny tremor in her frame. "You've stopped counting!" 

"Oh!" 

After another kiss he prompted, "Six, I believe." 

"Um…six…seven." 

The tension she felt was unbelievable. The moisture was already pooling urgently between her legs. She knew she was descending quickly to the point of no return, and what was more she realised she didn't want to fight it anymore. The number eight came with a breathy sigh. 

Chakotay drew a deep breath, and his fingers drifted to the top button of her dress. He fumbled a little with the first, less with the others. A whole line of delicate cloth buttons needed unsheathing from their loops, and, as each gave way, he dropped another kiss in the ever enlarging V of smooth skin between the stiff material of her bodice. 

By the time he reached her waist and the dress finally fell to the floor, she was on twenty-nine, thoroughly aroused and rapidly losing the ability to count. 

To his delight, she was naked from the waist up and he swiftly swept away the rest of her clothing. Then he pulled her back into the curve of his body as his fingers teased and swept their way across her belly. A hand drifted reverently across a breast, playing with a nipple, encouraging it to a turgid peak. Then the other was given the same treatment. As Kathryn reached forty, her voice was cracking. "Forty-two…forty-gasp-three." 

His fingers dipped lower, finding the flesh between her legs swollen with desire, wet and wanting. He probed deep within her, encouraged by the feel of flesh crying out to be pleasured. He teased and he flicked, pumped and stroked, winding her ever closer to the edge with his skilful fingers. The counting was sporadic now, interlaced with moans and sighs…and it penetrated his mind that she'd said fifty-four twice. He was breathing heavily too, delirious from the feel of her body responding to his touch. His own arousal was becoming painful, aching for relief, but this was all about sending her into rapture, melting away her resistance, so he did his best to ignore it. 

He pulled away for a moment. "Sixty seven." Twisting her round to face him, his mouth nibbled at her ear. "Sixty eight." 

"Spirits, you're so beautiful...so ready for me, Kathryn! So slick and hot. Swollen, starving….aching for my touch! You intoxicate me, woman!" 

"Sixty nine." Kathryn was in no position to argue. 

"There's something I want to do. Something I very much regret not doing last time…" He kissed her on the lips. "Up you come!" he said, lifting her off her feet with his arms under her buttocks and carrying her over to his sofa. Her hands fell away from her eyes to hold onto him. "Keep those eyes closed! Concentrate your senses where I touch you!" 

He sat her on the edge, pushing her legs apart and kneeling between them. 

"Seventy-two." 

"I want to taste you!" 

Kathryn shrieked in shock as his lips closed on their target. Heated flesh met with heated flesh. She had not expected this, but it was so heavenly! He was unbelievably masterful in the way his tongue worked her sensitive core, probing, flicking, coaxing every possible delightful sensation from her. He learned quickly what fired her up, and neither of them noticed that at seventy-five she'd stopped counting altogether. 

Kathryn was lost in it, unable to do anything but give herself up to the pleasure of it all. It had been a long time since anyone had done this for her. Mark had never shown any interest. Justin had...a long long time ago...but Chakotay had a skill and an instinct that far outstripped anything she had experienced before. Besides, she sensed correctly that he was enjoying this just as much as she was. Loving her response, loving the sensation on her flesh on his tongue, drinking long and deep of her delicious essence. She felt so desired, so aroused, so sexy. 

Her arms were flung wide, gripping frantically at the cushions either side of her. Chakotay's arms were fully occupied in trying to keep her anchored in place, his fingers holding her open to him. Thumbs deep in her channel, he was keeping the succulent focus of his desire firmly within reach of his mouth, as her legs thrashed wildly about his ears. 

The whole thing was so erotic, it did not take long. He felt a sudden torsion in her muscles and he knew she was close. 

"Oh…oh..g-d…Ch…akotay!!!" 

He paused momentarily, smiling appreciatively to himself against her soft swollen lips. Then he launched forward again, pressing one hard luscious lick to her core and sending her into spasms of ecstasy around him, flooding his tongue with her exotic moisture. Her shrieks of euphoria filled the air, and Chakotay felt that, with his face buried this deep within her, it was as close as he could get to experiencing her orgasm for himself. Gently, lovingly he tongued her back down from her high. 

He pulled his head away and sat back on his heels. He rubbed his thumbs once or twice across her closing lips, feeling the small contractions still contorting her muscles underneath, then pulled his hands away too. Gently he drew her trembling legs together and placed her feet back on the floor. Rising again, he loomed over her, admiring the relaxed spaced-out look on her face, the dishevelled hair and the heaving breasts. The look of a woman well and truly replete. 

"You can open your eyes now!" he said with a laugh. Her eyes blinked and shut again, and he laughed again and kissed her perfunctorily on the lips. "Did you enjoy that?" 

"Oh yes," she sighed. 

"Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase 'coming, ready or not', does it not?" 

She laughed too, as the joke penetrated her foggy mind. Now her eyes opened and she smiled at him dreamily. He swept his hands into her hair. 

"You're so beautiful!" he said kissing her, this time lingering and savouring. "You taste delicious, by the way. A rare and exquisite vintage!" He kissed her again, smothering any response and then drew back. "You seem to have stopped counting again!" 

"I have?" 

"Yep. You got to…oh…about seventy-five or so. Then you got rather...distracted." 

She stretched languidly. "Mmm. So I did." 

"So the question is do you want me to stop?" 

"There's more?" 

"Plenty. Sweetheart, I've hardly got started!" He kissed her again. "So, do you want me to stop?" 

"No!" she said, wrapping her arms round his head and drawing him to her lips. 

"Good," he said at the next break in activity. He stood and helped her up from the sofa, and she became dimly aware for the first time that the room was much larger than it used to be. She had no time to study it, as he swept her into his arms and started for the bedroom. "The night is young…and there is much more where that came from!" 

The bedroom seemed hardly different, although the bed had a different counterpane in colourful south American design. The walls were adorned by some of Chakotay's pictures and his dream catcher was above the bed. The photos round the room were different too, but the furniture was essentially the same as when Kathryn had occupied the room. 

"You haven't changed much!" she commented as he lay her in the centre of the soft bed. "It feels…soft…" she said bouncing up and down once or twice to test it. 

"Same bed…new mattress," he commented, as he began removing his shirt. She realised that his jacket and bow-tie must have gone at some point earlier, when she'd had her eyes closed. "I thought you'd feel at home." 

"Is my tub still in the bathroom?" she asked with interest. 

"No. Bathroom's been ripped out completely. But with you in mind, I've had a bigger and better tub installed. Room for two!" 

"Is that so?" 

"We could test it out later.." 

"We could indeed." He climbed onto the bed, totally naked now, and loomed over her, his eyes darkening with arousal. 

"But right now," he said, punctuating his words with kisses, "this bed needs testing." 

"Oh," she commented, and was silenced by his mouth plundering hers. 

When he next lifted his head, he asked, "How do you like the changes I've made to your bedroom?" 

"View's much better," she said with a smile, and her arms wrapped around his head drawing him back to her. "So's the entertainment." 

And so, skilled lover that he was, a man thoroughly in tune with the machinations of her imaginative mind, he set about fulfilling some of the most erotic dreams she'd had in that very same bed for seven lonely Delta Quadrant years. 

They made love for hours, and finally he fell asleep, exhausted, sated, elated. Kathryn lay in the darkness wide awake, eyes staring into the blackness with a growing sense of unease. Now she had come down from her high, she knew she'd been weak, given into feelings she'd vowed not to let herself feel again, made herself vulnerable to him once more and she was beginning to berate herself for her foolishness. She'd been hurt by the three great loves of her life. Justin had gone and died on her, in an accident she blamed herself for at least in part. Mark had given her up for dead, hadn't waited for her to get home from their epic voyage. In a way, Chakotay had done exactly the same: given up on her, not waited till they were home and moved on. She was somebody not meant for happiness, only heartache, and the temptation to shut herself off from it all, to curl into a ball and protect herself was a powerful one. The tears began to slide down her cheeks, she hardly knew why. She could hardly deny that her body loved every amazing moment when Chakotay touched her, but there were wounds inside her that even she couldn't fathom. A lack of self-worth, at least in the romance department, an anger based on his rejection, a desire to punish him for it, a sense of pre-destiny that had her living a lonely lifestyle? She didn't know. Any and all of these things. He had been breathing deeply for well over forty minutes by the time she slipped quietly out of the bed and found enough of her clothes in the darkness to make her way back to her quarters. 

  


* * *

  


When the alarm woke Chakotay the next morning, he knew at once she had gone. His elation of the night before vanished. He had been foolish enough to think that one night in his arms would captivate her forever, and reality hit like a gut punch. He was utterly despondent and he went through much of the day mechanically. 

He didn't get a chance to speak to her till the evening, and that was in public. At first, she appeared to be treating him with exactly the same cautious civility as she had been a few days earlier. They only exchanged a few whispered sentences as they sat down to dinner. 

"About last night…" he began. 

"A mistake. I was weak. Probably had too much wine. I'm sorry." 

"How can love feel so beautiful and be a mistake?" he asked earnestly. 

"Well, it was. I told you to stay away from me. You wouldn't listen." 

The conversation was enough to devastate Chakotay, and he was exceptionally quiet throughout the meal. However, he felt Kathryn's eyes on him several times, and once he looked up and caught her gaze. Her eyes looked just as desolate as his. Fortunately, Gordon, Remmick and Womak were fond of the sound of their own voices and kept the conversation flowing across the table. 

The meal was over earlier than on the previous night. Kathryn soon made her excuses and hurried away. Chakotay quickly apologised to his guests and set off quickly after her. He caught her up at the turbolift. 

"Let me escort you to your quarters," he began, stepping inside. 

"I know my own way," she said firmly. 

The door closed behind him. "Deck 3," he said. 

She opened her mouth. "Deck 7." Both sets of eyes were drilling into each other, full of pain, full of longing. 

The lift began to descend. It was stopping at deck 3 first. He took a step towards her, lifted one hand and stroked a stray wisp of hair at the side of her head. She tilted her head slightly. He stepped forward again. Their bodies were touching now. Her chest heaved, and instantly his hands shot round her, pulling her into him, lifting her head till their lips met, precipitating a deep and frenzied kiss. 

The door slid open behind him. He stepped back, grabbing her wrist just as he had the night before. "Come and see what I've done to your old quarters!" 

"You showed me last night!" she protested with a laugh, allowing him to pull her out of the turbolift. 

"You had your eyes closed." 

  


* * *

  


Another few weeks went past, and Chakotay was growing in confidence as to the eventual outcome of his romancing of Kathryn Janeway. He hadn't got there yet. He knew that too well. The days followed much the same pattern. During the day they were both busy with their separate work. In the evening, they would usually have dinner with all the guest party, and afterwards he would take her back to his quarters and show her how she deserved to be loved. But she didn't stay and he was still finding that painful. Sometimes she left when he was asleep, sometimes straight after they'd made love. However, their conversations were freer and easier now, just as they had been when their friendship had been at its best, and he was thrilled that she sometimes just showed up at his rooms without invitation, even on one occasion late in the evening. His lovemaking had her hooked, he was convinced of that. 

"Kathryn, what's going on?" he challenged her one evening, as they lay naked and sated on his bed. "Why are you leaving straight after we've made love? Why do you get out of my bed as if it's the last place you want to be?" 

"Because we're not making love. We're having sex, and that's all it is right now. I don't want you to go reading more into this than there is." 

"How can you say that? When I touch you…I'm making love to you. It could never be anything less for me with you." 

"Well, that's all it is to me." 

"You're using me for sex? Just to satisfy your needs?" 

"Yes!" 

"How could you? That's plain cruel!" 

"Well, isn't that what you did to me…that night…?" 

"Oh, I get it. This is some sort of revenge." 

"No!" she protested. "Well…at least…well, I don't know what it is." 

He watched her carefully. She had a tough as nails exterior, the one she showed most of the universe most of the time. He was one of the privileged few who knew the vulnerable woman underneath. "You're angry, you're hurting and you're lashing out at me." The glance of her eyes told him he was close to the truth. "Why can't you take a leap here? We could be so good together!" 

She sighed. "I don't know if I can trust you. I don't know if you can commit. I've been hurt too many times. I've never been able to hold onto a man." 

"Spirits, it wasn't your fault you lost Justin and Mark. They were stolen from you." 

"You gave up on me…twice!" 

"Dear heaven! You're my dearest friend! How can you imagine me incapable of commitment?" 

"You went back to her. It's understandable. I don't have any of her attributes." 

He was incredulous "What? You think? You think you don't…" He couldn't believe she thought so little of herself. "Come here. I want you to see something," he said, dragging her out of bed and standing behind her in front of the mirror. 

He nuzzled the side of her face, "Quite apart from the fact that you are the most infuriating and exciting woman I know…and that our friendship is immeasurably special…you are one hot, sexy woman, Kathryn Janeway. You are utterly beautiful in my eyes. Your hair, your eyes, your neck, your hands…every part of you is beautiful. I love you just the way you are. These," he said scooping one breast into a hand, "Are a perfect fit." He pinched on the tip. "You have the prettiest pair of nipples I've ever set eyes on. His other hand dipped lower, flicking into her damp centre. She had to fight to restrain her sigh. "Down here is the most amazing place I've ever had the privilege to bury a certain part of my anatomy. And the taste of you is unforgettable," he rasped in her ear. "Intoxicating. One sip and I was hooked for life. You're an addiction, Kathryn Janeway. You are never, never going to lose me, while I have strength in my body. I can't promise not to be blown out of the sky or catapulted to the other end of the universe, but I can promise to be faithful to you till my dying day." Kathryn didn't respond, but pulled out of his grip slightly. She turned towards him, her eyes searching his. "I mean it, my love. You do believe me, don't you?" he finished. 

"I think so," she conceded. 

"You told me once that when two people make love they join their souls. Have I hurt you so badly, you've stopped believing that?" 

"No," she managed eventually. 

He pulled her close. "Then stay." 

She pulled away with a sniff. "I can't…" 

  


* * *

  


But eventually, several days later, she did. He stirred early in the morning, suddenly aware there was a warm body beside him in the bed, hardly daring to believe it. 

He turned onto his side and watched her silently as her chest rose and fell softly with the deep breath of sleep. She really was beautiful. Every curve, every dip. He could hardly remember being this mesmerised by a woman's body before, expect perhaps for his first time with a girl. He wondered if he felt like this because he had loved her for seven years with her clothes on. 

Then, as if it had a will of its own, his hand strayed onto her naked hip. 

Eventually, she stirred too, turning her head to meet his gaze. 

"You stayed," he commented softly. 

Her mouth twitched. "A mistake," she responded, but the tone was gentle and there was a light in her eyes. 

He allowed a small smile. "Well, my dear, I hope you make thousands more of them!" She smiled, and he kissed her tenderly. "I rather like your mistakes…" 

"Do you?" she asked, her voice cracking with emotion. 

He kissed her again, his hand now drifting onto her breast. "Last night was one hell of a mistake. I think we may have to start over." And he did, starting with the push of his lips descending across the plains of her stomach on a quest for the ambrosia he found so intoxicating. 

Later, after the mistake had been well and truly compounded and she lay spooned in warmth of his body, he reached around her and placed something on the pillow just before her dreamy eyes. He heard her gasp, as she recognised the object. The Mayan ring. 

Her left hand went up and she fingered it thoughtfully. She wanted so much to simply slip it on her finger, and yet her head was still fighting the inevitable. 

"What does this mean?" 

"It means I want you to stay. Permanently. My love is yours forever, Kathryn." 

She lifted her head and scooped the ring into her hand. Turning over to face him, she held it towards him. "I can't, Chakotay. I don't… at least not yet." 

He closed her fingers over the ring and wrapped her in his arms, schooling his features not to show his disappointment. "It's alright. I understand. You're not ready. But I want you to keep it. It belongs to you. You know that." He kissed her on the top of her head. "And when you are ready…slip it on your finger. Then I'll know…" 

She nodded into his shoulder, as he raised his eyes unseen to the spirits, grateful for every small step towards happiness. 


	8. Chapter 8

Two nights later, they were have dinner together privately in his quarters. This in itself was a big step forward, and time alone was rare and precious. The new lounge was big and spacious, since the first officer's quarters had been knocked into his. (Strickland resided on another deck, much to Chakotay's satisfaction.) There were now two additional study rooms, which he had proudly shown her, wistfully indicating that they could be converted easily into family rooms when the time came. 

They had enjoyed a lovely meal and he was just setting coffee ice-cream in front of her, when the red alert klaxons sounded. 

Chakotay's comm badge chirped. He hit it reflexively, as they both rose from the table. "Chakotay here." 

Strickland's voice came over the channel. "Sir, you need to get up here fast." 

"On my way." 

"We seem to have some sort of countdown started. The ship's main computers are registering ten minutes to a warp core breach…" 

"How the hell?" 

"Don't know, sir. Engineering report that the warp core is losing stability for no apparent reason. All diagnostics confirm an imminent core breach. All attempts to contain it are having zero effect. It's like we're shut out of the system." 

Kathryn followed him up to the Bridge, where he took account of all the reports coming in and talked at length to Engineering. Kathryn stood back, assessing the situation quietly, knowing the decisions were not hers to make anymore. If Chakotay wanted her advice, he would ask for it. 

The Bridge crew busied themselves with all the usual well-rehearsed procedures required in such an emergency, but it was clear that everything they did was ineffectual. Console after console seemed to be joining in with the manic countdown like a line of dominoes, now at five minutes ten seconds, Eventually, he did look at her. "All the evidence suggests outside interference, but we're in open space, weeks from civilisation!" 

"Could be a cloaked ship." 

"I agree. My first priority is the safety of you and the other delegates. My second to secure the ship and prevent it from falling into enemy hands. Then the safety of the crew. Four forty-five." 

"Minimum four minutes evacuation," she reminded him. 

He nodded in acceptance, and gave the ship-wide order to abandon ship. 

"Sir," said a man at ops. "There's an uninhabited M class planet five point two days away, bearing 327 mark 4." 

"Noted. Download all information to escape pods." 

"Aye, sir." 

A few moments later, without comment, all staff except the three most senior officers and Kathryn left the Bridge. The remaining officers continued monitoring the status of the ship and the progress of the evacuation. 

"Confirm Womak, Rittek and Gordon have left Shuttlebay 2," said Strickland as the countdown hit two forty. 

"Thank you. Kathryn, get down to the yacht. Now! Strickland, Harry, off you go! I'll see to things up here from now on." 

Harry Kim and Strickland started for the exit, but Kathryn didn't move. 

Chakotay turned back to her. "Kathryn, I said get going!" 

"Not without you." Strickland and Harry stopped, wondering if their Captain was going to need help removing the Admiral from the ship. 

He looked at her firmly. "Captain goes down with the ship, Kathryn. You know that." 

"Then I'm not leaving either." 

"Yes, you are. I have to make sure the ship's secure. But YOU have to leave. I'll have you dragged down there, if need be." 

"Chakotay, you can set the self-destruct. You don't have to sacrifice yourself…." 

Chakotay hesitated. It was possible. "Why? Why should I come with you? Give me one good reason, Kathryn!" 

She looked at him, determined to get him out of this. She wasn't going to let him waste his life unnecessarily, and she still felt a latent responsibility for his safety. 

"Because I love you." 

"I love you too. Is it enough?" 

There was one thing she could do. She took the Ring of May out of her pocket. "How about this?" she said, making a determined show of putting the ring back on her finger. 

He stared at her for a few moments, then smiled. "Alright. Get down there, start her up. I'll be with you in two minutes." 

She smiled back. "Don't be late." And with that Harry, Strickland and she hit the exit. There was no time for goodbyes, as they went their separate pre-determined ways. That would have contravened their Starfleet training. Kathryn raced down to the lowest part of the hull, knocking open the hatch and slipping into the confines of the Captain's yacht. It was a place she had come to be alone sometimes in what seemed a lifetime ago, but it had never actually been used. 

As expected though, as soon as she hit the right buttons, the sleek tiny vessel began to come to life. She would not have expected less, as it should have been routinely checked over during maintenance. She glanced at her chronometer. By her reckoning, he had about a minute left. She thought it would take him a minimum of forty-five seconds to get down here. She keyed in a few codes, readying the little yacht for departure. Through a tiny window she could see trails of escape pods moving away from Voyager. 

She waited at least twenty seconds, not willing to disturb him until she really had to, knowing he might not leave at all unless coerced. Then she hit her comm badge. 

"Janeway to Chakotay." 

"Ummf," came a muffled reply. 

"You gotta get down here fast!" 

"Quiet! I'm concentrating." 

She waited a few more seconds, before she knew she had to urge him on. "Chakotay!" 

"Alright. Just a few more seconds………….." She could hear him keying information frantically into the computer. "Done. I'm on my way!" 

She could hear the sound of his quickening breath as he began to run from the Bridge. 

"Leave the comm line open." 

"Okay." The sounds of the turbolift came through the channel. It was programmed to move three times as fast under evacuation procedures, assuming it was functional, and it would be difficult to keep your balance in it. All regular personnel and visitors would have been expected to use other escape routes, but the Captain and Bridge crew had overrides, if they needed them. The transporter room was, of course, unmanned by this stage. "You got that engine running?" 

"Sure have. Humming nicely." 

"Keep my seat warm." 

"Aye, Captain." She tapped a few controls on the console. "That turbolift moving?" 

"Sure, but it's left my stomach up top." 

A few seconds later, she heard the _thunk_ as the turbolift came to a halt. Then there was the sound of Chakotay's footfalls as he ran down a few corridors. Next he had to climb into an access hole and down several metallic ladders. He fairly slithered down the last one in his hurry. Finally he reached the hatch and his head appeared in the circle of light above Kathryn. One foot and then the other. Finally he levered his bulk through the narrow hole, pulling the hatch closed behind him. Kathryn hit the release mechanism before he had even reached his seat, and they felt themselves drift away from Voyager's shell. 

He slid his feet under the console, and the rest of his body fell into place. Kathryn engaged the drive. 

"They don't make these very roomy," he commented. 

"No, they don't." 

"Think they're designed for tiny female Captains." 

"This one may have been." 

As Voyager arched away from them, they braced themselves for the explosion, but it never came. 

They stared at Voyager from a distance, unable to speak for a moment. She looked pitiful, hanging in the emptiness like a piece of jettisoned space-junk, abandoned and useless. But the expected fireball never came. 

"The warp core breach was phoney," said Chakotay at last. 

"So was your self-destruct sequence." 

"I set it so that it would start immediately anyone other than myself tried to input anything." 

"Bit of a risk, Captain." 

"A calculated one, Admiral." 

They looked at each other speculatively. He knew the subtext of her tone. Both knew that it was vital that Voyager not fall into enemy hands, and Kathryn, in her guise as Admiral, could not truly approve of his unorthodox response to the situation. Voyager had untold refinements that they had made to her over the years, not the least of which was her ablative shielding, and this technology could do untold damage in the wrong hands. 

"Voyager's not just any ship," he added, by way of an explanation. "I'm not going to lose her, if I can help it." 

"No," said Kathryn, understanding completely. 

Just then a ship de-cloaked behind them. It appeared on brief inspection to be something like a Warbird. "So, they finally show themselves! Romulans?" commented Chakotay. 

"Evidence would suggest Romulans…but we're well away from their usual hunting ground. I wouldn't jump to conclusions." 

"We're well away from anyone's hunting ground." 

"True." Just then, they felt the jolt of a tractor beam pulling their fragile vessel towards the alien ship. "I've got a bad feeling about this." 

"So have I." 

Janeway opened a hailing frequency. "Janeway to alien vessel. Please respond!" 

There was a crackle, and then a Romulan face appeared on the tiny viewscreen in the console. 

"Janeway! How pleasant to greet you," said a smooth and not altogether pleasant voice. "We have trapped fish of great eminence in our net!" 

"Please explain your presence here." 

"My name is Grax. That is sufficient for the moment." 

"As Starfleet's representative in the Beta Quadrant, I am warning you that your actions will be regarded as hostile by the United Federation of Planets." 

"Hostile? My dear, they are going to get much worse, I assure you. And as to the Federation, the nearest ship is what…three or four weeks away?" 

"Mr. Grax…" 

"Commander Grax," he corrected. 

"Commander Grax, I order you to release the tractor beam on our vessel immediately." 

"Admiral Janeway, you are in no position to give orders around here. Prepare to be transported." 

The viewscreen went dead, and within seconds, they felt the familiar tingle of a transporter beam and the confines of the Captain's yacht vanished from around them. 


	9. Chapter 9

They materialised, sprawling on the floor of a cold dark room, some forgotten storage area in the bowels of the enemy ship. As they smoothed themselves down, they realised that their comm badges and phasers had vanished. One glance at the other confirmed they were both in the same predicament. 

Chakotay glanced anxiously at Kathryn's finger to see if the ring was still there. Kathryn responded by briefly extending her fingers. "Still there." 

"So I see. They must have sophisticated filtering technology," he responded. 

"Agreed." 

They took a few moments to take stock of their surroundings. The room was only a few metres in length and width. It had one exit, a door which looked like it hadn't been opened in ten years. In one corner of the room was a low single straw mattress, covered in a clean sheet, but only one thin blanket. In another corner was a sink, with running water, and a bucket. This was the sum total of the amenities, and the two prisoners looked at each other grimly. "Well, Admiral Janeway," he said, "Welcome to your luxury hotel!" 

Immeasurable hours passed by. They had a long time to talk, as the cold began to bite at them, so they sat on the bed, Chakotay with a comforting arm around her. 

They speculated on why they were being held. They were valuable hostages, not that the Federation would ever negotiate with terrorists. Kathryn didn't think their captors were Romulan. After all, this wasn't quite their style. And besides they liked it considerably warmer than the apparent temperature of this ship. Chakotay, however, thought that the room could be in such a remote part of the ship that little of the core warmth of the vessel permeated here. Or they could purposefully be keeping them cold in order to make them lethargic. 

  


* * *

  


So the hours passed, and two trays of the most disgusting food materialised on the floor. 

"Sociable lot," commented Kathryn. 

"Personally, I rather not have to entertain that slimy Grax at my table." 

"I suppose we have to try and eat this," she said, pulling some rather mouldy looking bread to pieces. 

"Careful! They might be trying to kill us with food-poisoning." 

They bread was partially edible, but one mouthful of a wormy stew sent Kathryn flying to the bucket. 

Chakotay watched her anxiously, and finally she had to swill her mouth out with water from the faucet at the sink. 

As she came back beside him, he put his own tray down and put his arm around her. 

"You okay?" 

"Just about." 

"Want seconds?" 

"No way!" she laughed. 

They sat companionably for a while, until a disembodied voice told them to place their trays by the door and step back. They did as they were told, and then a force-field suddenly shimmered between them and the door. Three men transported into the room on the far side of the barrier. One of them was Grax. Another was introduced as Lieutenant Ilt. 

"Our cuisine not to your satisfaction?" queried Grax. 

"It was inedible," responded Chakotay. 

"Still, we wouldn't want you to enjoy our hospitality so much that you never want to leave." 

"Why are you keeping us here?" asked Kathryn. 

"Why, you're valuable hostages. We expect to get an excellent price for you." 

"They will never negotiate." 

"We will see." 

"What are you planning to do with us?" 

"Well, that depends on the Federation, doesn't it? Right now, you're worth more to us alive than dead, so I propose that you make yourselves comfortable…" 

"Comfortable? How could we possibly be comfortable here? It's too cold, we've no bathroom facilities, there's only one bed…" 

"I'm sure you can work something out. If not, I could move one of you out…" 

"No," said Kathryn quickly, not wishing to be separated from Chakotay. "We'll manage. But another blanket would help." 

Grax looked at her with disdain. "I'll leave you to it!" His two minions picked up the trays. "I suggest you eat more next time. We won't be wasting much of our precious supplies on you!" Then all three shimmered out of the room and the force-field disappeared. 

Kathryn sat on the bed, while Chakotay paced the room. "I agree with you. They don't act like typical Romulans. Just as devious, yes, but something doesn't quite ring true." 

She glanced up at him. "They didn't even shiver, Chakotay. Didn't you see?" 

"Then, they're not Romulan." 

"No." 

"Then who are they?" 

"We have to try to find that out." 

"Agreed." 

"And what they want." 

"They have to know the Federation won't negotiate." 

"True. But they must have some use for us. Otherwise, they'd have killed us right out!" 

"My guess is the ship." 

"Of course, it's the ship. They're trying to figure out if they can get past your encryption codes. If they do, they'll have no further need of us…." 

His sympathetic gaze fell on her. "Don't say it. It won't happen." 

She rolled her eyes at him. They both knew it could. "We must be careful what we say. They could be listening." 

Chakotay nodded his head in complete agreement. 

After a long pause, she said, "I need to pee." 

"Okay," he responded. "I'll turn my back." 

"Thank you." 

He did so, and she made her way over to the very obnoxious bucket. 

"I guess this is not quite what I meant when I asked you to move in with me," he commented lightly while she got on with making use of the bucket. 

"Guess not." 

"I had something entirely more upmarket in mind." 

"I'm sure you did." 

"Still, we've done this before. Lived in close proximity in a confined space, I mean." 

"That was infinitely more pleasant. And at least we could walk out the door!" 

"You're calling our time on New Earth pleasant?" 

"Of course. It was, wasn't it?" 

He grinned. "The best time of my life…that is until you finally let me make love to you." 

She smiled at this too. Standing up, she moved the bucket. "Chakotay, there's a drain underneath the bucket!" 

"Big enough for an escape route?" 

"No! But at least we can empty the bucket!" 

"Well, what do you know? Five star plumbing!" he laughed, turning round. "Things are looking up!" 


	10. Chapter 10

A few hours ticked by, and Chakotay urged Kathryn to try to get some sleep. He figured they could take it in turns to use the bed. However, she couldn't sleep. She was too cold for a start. So in the end, they both huddled under the blanket trying to conserve warmth. Eventually they drifted into a fitful sleep. 

The following morning, if indeed it was morning, because they had no means of measuring time, a meagre meal was beamed again into their cell. 

The bread was no better than it had been previously and the broth, although devoid of the repulsive worms, again sent Kathryn hurtling towards the bucket. Chakotay was very worried about her. She had been unable to keep anything down, and looked extremely pale. Moreover, the low temperature was affecting them both. He did his best to keep her comfortable. 

Grax and his cronies made no appearance, and they had nothing to occupy themselves with other than to talk. They spent some time reminiscing, some speculating on what was going on elsewhere on the ship and on Voyager, what had happened to the other escape pods (they sensed they were the only captives) and what was likely to happen to them. Most of it was in hushed whispers, in an effort not to be overheard. Most of it was dismal, and Kathryn's extreme reaction to the food did nothing to help morale. Chakotay did his best to talk her up and be optimistic. 

They scanned the room as well as they were able for cameras or listening devices, but found none. That did not mean there weren't any, and on the whole they were guarded in what they said and how they acted. 

After many boring hours, they settled again on the bed to rest. Neither even considered taking it in turns this time. They needed the shared body heat. 

Chakotay snuggled up next to her, pulling the thin blanket over both of them, but her teeth were still chattering. He kissed her a few times, whispering his love to her. His attempts to warm her so far were not succeeding. 

"I bet I can think of something that would warm you up!" 

She knew immediately what was on his mind, and she wasn't sure she liked it. "Chakotay, we can't!" 

"Why not? It's not like there's anything else to do around here." 

"They might be watching! And I, for one, don't want to give them an erotic display of my body in the throes of passion!" 

"I can hold the blanket over us. Trust me, I can preserve your modesty! They won't get to see anything." 

"But they'll know!" 

"If they're watching! Why should we care? They've taken away our freedom and our privacy, so what should they expect? If they're so gross as to be watching our every move, gawking as we use the bucket, wash, eat, scratch our bums, what's one more thing? We'd be doing something perfectly natural. They'd be the ones acting like perverts!" His hands were already beginning to wander. 

"Chakotay, I don't think…." 

But she could be persuaded. And Chakotay could be very persuasive. A few caresses on her neck, a dust of his fingers across her belly, a tweak of a nipple, some daringly-placed kisses, some hot suggestive words in her ear…no, it really didn't take much to set her going these days, and he loved her for it. This time, despite their predicament, her body responded just as he expected. 

Under the blanket, with as few clothes misplaced as possible, he loved her and warmed her. It was more restrained, muted than their usual love-making. Quieter too, but sweet and tender. It had the added dimension of being daring and outrageous, and that in some way added to the sensuality. If their captors were watching, they'd have seen a undulating sea of movement in the blanket, but not much more, the reason for which could easily be surmised. 

They brought each other to release, gentle, but comforting and reassuring. A warm glow enveloped them during the rest of the night. 

  


* * *

  


Several days passed in much the same way, and it should have been no surprise to anyone that they occasionally indulged, as discretely as possible, in the only form of entertainment available to them. 

But Chakotay was still worried about Kathryn. He was angry and frustrated too. Sometimes he shouted his frustration at the room. He was sure they were listening. He had plenty to say about their treatment and the conditions in which they were being kept. Kathryn would watch him patiently, convinced he was wasting his time, but understanding that he needed to vent some of his anger. She seemed to be able to endure their confinement much more stoically. 

After several days, Grax and his two minions put in another appearance, and Chakotay wasted no time in voicing his anger and his concerns about Kathryn. 

"She's vomiting far too frequently. She needs medical attention!" he told them. 

"She looks fine to me!" commented Grax. 

"You keep us in these cold unsanitary conditions…with only a bucket for our personal needs and one poor bed…and expect us to be fine? Not to mention the disgusting mush you serve as food, most of which is inedible." 

"Well, I'm sorry the accommodation is not to your satisfaction," replied Grax sarcastically. "I thought you came from humble beginnings, Mr. Chakotay. I think you should feel right at home here." 

"No-one from my tribe would ever treat an animal, let alone another person, in such an inhumane way!" 

"Janeway, on the other hand," he continued, ignoring Chakotay's comment, "comes from thoroughbred stock. She's a classy lady. But, you know, she's not that fussy! She lets you stick your dirty fat dick up her!" 

Chakotay growled, launching himself towards Grax in anger, to be thrown back by the sting of the forcefield. 

"Chakotay!" shrieked Kathryn, grabbing him quickly from behind. "Leave it!" 

Grax eyed both hostages with some disdain. "At least she knows her place around here." 

"She needs to see a doctor!" 

"No, I don't," protested Kathryn. 

"A sick hostage is a liability. A dead one is of no value!" continued Chakotay. 

Grax shifted uncertainly for a moment, but Janeway's ashen face must have decided him. He momentarily lowered the forcefield and signalled to the other two guards with a nod of his head. They dragged Kathryn out of the cell. 

"Hey! You need to be more careful with her!" he shouted at the empty space. 

  


* * *

  


Chakotay agonised for something like two hours while Kathryn was gone, regretful now that he had made a stand and worried that they might not return her. Eventually they brought her back. She looked just as pale as when she had left, although her hair was damp and her face looked cleaner. She flopped onto the bed and dropped her face into her hands. She didn't speak until the guards were well gone. 

"Well done, Chakotay! You've just handed them more ammunition! Thanks to you they now know something I wish they didn't." 

"Kathryn, are you alright?" 

"Not exactly." 

"Well?" 

"I'm pregnant." 

Chakotay looked at her stupidly. "Are you sure?" 

"Yes. I already had my suspicions." 

"And you didn't say anything?" 

"I wasn't sure how you'd react." 

A huge grin spread on his face. "You weren't sure how I'd react?" he asked incredulously. 

"No," she responded, a little shame-faced. 

"Does it look as if I'm disappointed?" 

"No!" she said, smiling to herself now. 

He sat down beside her, throwing an arm around her shoulder. "Kathryn, this is the most wonderful news! The woman I love is expecting a very longed-for baby! I'm ecstatic!" 

"Wonderful news? Chakotay, we're holed up here in primitive, unsanitary conditions and no hope of escape, with every expectation of being butchered, and you think things are wonderful?" 

He squeezed her tighter. "We're getting out of here. I know it my bones. If they were going to kill us they would have done so by now. We're much more value to them alive." 

"I can't agree with you there. We're not hostages. They're after Voyager. She's a uniquely valuable commodity. They're spending days trying to break through the security protocol, and they presumably haven't succeeded so far. We're here as insurance, in case they fail." 

"They would have interrogated us by now!" 

"Not necessarily. They can afford to wait. We're in the middle of open space here, weeks from civilisation even at warp… And they're clearly skilled hackers, or they wouldn't have been able to pull that stunt in the first place." 

He dropped his nose into her hair. He knew she was right. 

"You smell good." 

"They let me shower. Cleaned my clothes." Chakotay inhaled deeply, dreamily enjoying the experience. "You smell disgusting though!" 

He laughed and pulled away. "Sorry." 

"Kathryn?" 

"Yes?" 

"You are pleased about being pregnant, aren't you? Circumstances aside..." 

"Oh yes." 

"I suppose you took me at my word and went and got your implant removed." 

"Yes. And after we split up...I didn't have any intention of taking up with anyone else, so I never went back." 

"But you didn't think to tell me? Before we had sex, I mean." 

"I'm sorry. I should have done. But we had talked about it before, and that first night...well, I was somewhat swept off my feet." 

"As was my intention." He pulled her close again. "I'm sorry to ask this, but I have to know. When you were sleeping with me and leaving me straight after...when you said it was just sex...you weren't just using me to get pregnant, were you?" 

She pulled away, hardly believing he could think such a thing. She looked at him earnestly, taking both of his hands in hers. "Chakotay! My love, I would never have done that to you! There was a lot of stuff going on in my head that I was struggling to deal with, that's all. It was never like that! I never even gave pregnancy a moment's thought. I didn't plan this." 

"Well...good," he said with relief. 

"Besides, you seduced me, if you remember. At least on the first few occasions." 

"That's all too true," he conceded, somewhat mollified. 

Two guards came in and deposited a box of goodies, before beating a hasty retreat. As Chakotay leaned forward, he discovered towels, soap, toothbrushes and toothpaste amongst other things. There was also a tray on the floor with rather more appetising food on it: fresh bread, some sort of meat and fruit. 

The guards left and Kathryn and Chakotay looked at each other on the verge of laughter. 

"I put in for an upgrade," said Kathryn lightly. 


	11. Chapter 11

Two days later, there was a sudden flurry of activity. Four armed guards beamed into the cell and immediately hand-cuffed both the prisoners. They were then dragged to a transporter room and beamed out. 

When they re-materialised, they knew at once they were back on Voyager. Their experienced ears could also tell from the familiar thrum of the engines, that the warp core was still on line, awaiting the demands of the Captain of the ship. From the Transporter Room, they were frog-marched up onto the Bridge. Neither knew what was coming, but both feared the worst. 

On the Bridge, all seemed deceptively calm and civilised as he was forced to sit in his old seat. 

Grax was already there, standing with several of his henchmen. Kathryn was thrown into the pilot's seat, although it was swivelled round to face him. Her hands were soon cuffed to the sides of the chair, but her eyes met Chakotay's in open determination. 

"I'll get straight to the point, Captain Chakotay," said Grax. "We want the access codes to the ship." 

"You won't get them from me," sneered Chakotay. 

"That attitude won't last. You'd save yourself a lot of trouble if you just gave them to us." 

Chakotay looked around, assessing the situation. It was obvious they had been unable to gain helm control. From the viewscreen he detected a faint shadow of another ship, and it did not look Romulan. 

"And you'd save yourselves a lot of trouble if you gave up now. Admit it! You've bitten off more than you can chew!" 

Grax eyed him with distaste. "I'm a patient man, Mr. Chakotay, but even a patient man has his limits. You are right: we have been unable to break the encryption you so thoughtlessly left in place. We're still locked out of ship's systems. So, much as I regret to do this, it's very definitely time to change tactics…" Grax paced back and forth a few times under Chakotay's watchful gaze. He turned back to him with a grin. "It will be most interesting to see which one of you breaks first." He nodded at Ilt, one of the men beside Kathryn, who responded by unsheathing an instrument he had been holding secreted. The man twisted, pushing Kathryn's top upwards, ramming the instrument into the smooth white skin he had exposed. 

"Aaargh….." she yelled, her body writhing in agony, arching out of the chair. A horrid smell of burning flesh pervaded the air, and there was gaping hole below her right breast. The sound of her cry seemed to echo around the room long after her defeated body had sunk back into the chair. 

"Stop! Don't do this! This is savagery!" pleaded an outraged Chakotay. He jumped angrily out of his seat, but was swiftly swiped across his face with the butt of a phaser and rammed back into his seat. For a few moments, he sat frozen, as the blood began to trickle down his nose. His eyes focused on the woman he loved, as he watched her laboured breathing. 

"You know very well how to stop this. Don't think for a minute I enjoy inflicting pain on a defenceless woman…" 

Kathryn's eyes lifted to Chakotay's. They were full of warning. He knew very well she was ordering him to stay silent. 

The man beside Kathryn repeated his action, this time branding her across the pale flat flesh of her belly. Kathryn's mouth opened, and yet it seemed seconds before the scream filled the air. When it subsided, her eyes were full of water, and she closed them this time. Her head drooped. She did not want to meet his gaze now, nor see any wavering in his resolve. 

Chakotay watched her, terrified. He knew she would not be able to take much of this. He saw her focusing on her breathing, exercising meditation techniques to deal with the pain. 

He tried again to get out of his chair, but received another beating for his efforts, as his guards thrust him firmly back into his seat. 

"You want to go to her? I can understand that. You love her. You cannot bear to see her in pain. What a gift you gave us, Chakotay. We had never bargained on the two of you being in love with each other. That should make this so much easier. 

How far do you want us to go? Do you want to see your Starfleet whore on her knees, begging for mercy? Do you want to see that beautiful face scarred and rearranged? How long can you bear to hear her scream in agony? You'll crack, Chakotay. Sooner or later you'll crack!" 

Kathryn's assailant jabbed her again, this time near the right hip. Her body jerked with the shock, her limbs glistening with the sweat of her ordeal. Her clothes were beginning to bear evidence of the gore oozing from her wounds. Her gaze flickered once again across his, the defiance still there, he noted, but even she could not remain so stoical for long. 

"And then there's that little bastard…" drawled Grax. "A few prods perfectly targeted and it would be no more…. Though they might not be necessary. I'd say her body is weakening fast. Pretty fragile for a Starfleet Admiral. Gutsy…but fragile." Another of Kathryn's screams pierced the air. "How long are you going to let her suffer? Make no mistake…you're going to give me the codes. It's just a case of when! How long can you bear to watch?" 

"You're no Romulan. Even at their worst, Romulans don't act like this. And they don't use that kind of language." 

Grax laughed. "You're wasting your breath. She could be having medical treatment by now, if you weren't so stubborn. Now give me the access codes!" 

"Never!" 

Another ten minutes of unremitting agony and argument followed, by which time Chakotay was now very concerned for Kathryn's ability to withstand much more. His heart was breaking for the pain she was feeling and she barely had the strength to lift her head now. She might pass out soon. That might bring about a pause to the proceedings, but it was unlikely to end the ordeal. He couldn't take much more either. The sweat was dripping from his brow, a trickle of blood oozing from one nostril, and he was feeling every stab of pain with her. 

As the aggressor raised his rod one more time over her tortured body, Chakotay finally broke. 

"Alright! I'll give you the codes! Just stop this!" 

Grax nodded at the assailant, who let his arm fall, the strike unfelled. Kathryn's eyes opened in challenge, a look of condemnation deep within them. It could have been anger that he had let her suffer so much, but he knew better. She was defiant to the end, angry at his weakening. 

"Well?" 

Chakotay looked Grax firmly in the eye. "Computer, transfer command of USS Voyager to Commander Grax, whose voice will immediately follow mine. Authorisation Chakotaygammaalphafifteenomicrondeltafour." 

"Computer, this is Commander Grax. I hereby accept command of the USS Voyager." 

" _Acknowledged. Transfer complete. USS Voyager now under command of Commander Grax. Warning: new access codes should be encrypted within twelve hours."_

"Thank you," said Grax. "If you hadn't been so difficult you could have saved yourself a lot of trouble. Take her to Sickbay," he said, nodding at Ilt, who undid her cuffs and lifted her onto her feet. 

" _Self-destruct sequence initiating_ ," came the tinny voice of the computer. " _Five minutes to self-destruct and counting._ " 

Around the Bridge, huge yellow digits had sprung to life. 4.59…4.58…4.57…. 

"What???" squealed Grax. "What did you do?" He came up to Chakotay, and seized him by the throat. 

"Exactly what it seems. I programmed the ship to self-destruct should there be any change in command, as you very well know. You'd better hurry. You've only just enough time to abandon ship." 

"Stop the sequence at once. Stop it…or she dies!" The man was on the verge of panic. 

"I can't. I am no longer in command of the ship. You are!" 

"Computer!" shouted a wild Grax, "Halt self-destruct sequence!" 

" _Unable to comply._ " 

"Who is command of this vessel?" 

" _Commander Grax._ " 

"This is Commander Grax. I order you to stand down self-destruct sequence!" 

" _Unable to comply. Please give authorisation code._ " 

"I haven't given you any authorisation codes yet, you stupid…" he said kicking the console. 

"You're wasting time. I'd say you only have four and a half minutes to get off the ship," said Chakotay in amusement. "I sure hope you have a shuttlecraft somewhere, because unfortunately all the escape pods are already missing." 

Grax looked at him stupidly for a few moments. He knew very well that the self-destruct sequence had been sitting dormant and waiting to be initiated at the slightest tampering from anyone other than Chakotay for the last few days. It was something his expert team of programmers had been unable to by-pass, so it shouldn't have been a surprise that it had somehow been started now. What he had not bargained on was Chakotay and Janeway being prepared to sacrifice themselves in order to keep the ship out of his hands. It seemed their willingness to risk higher stakes gave them the winning hand. 

Grax came to a decision. It had been a wonderful prize, this Voyager. He had been congratulating himself on his coup for days, looking forward to the adulation he'd receive when he paraded his trophy before his superiors, but he wasn't prepared to die for it. "Ilt, Vennarx, leave her there. Ready the shuttlecraft. I want everybody ready to leave in two minutes." 

The two men holding Kathryn nodded, dumped her unceremoniously in the pilot's chair and made for the turbolift, while Grax opened a comm line and ordered everyone to abandon ship. He then commed another vessel, presumably the one shadowing Voyager, and told whoever answered to get the hell out of the way. Within seconds, the ship lurched and there was a flash as the ship beyond the viewscreen vanished to warp. Then the remaining three kidnappers began to make their way to the turbo lift, phasers aimed carefully at their hostages. 

"It's a pity we can't take you with us. We were just getting acquainted. But the accommodations on the shuttlecraft are somewhat limited…just no room, you see!" he said, cloyingly apologetic. "Enjoy the last four minutes of your lives!" 

Grax took three steps backwards into the turbolift, his phaser never wavering. The doors closed and their antagonists were gone. 

Chakotay ran to Kathryn, raising his cuffed hands over her head, pulling her head onto his shoulder. She winced in pain, so he got her back on the seat before checking the helm. 

"Where are we?" 

"Hundreds of light years from the nearest ship, let alone inhabited planet." 

"No point in donning environmental suits and beaming into space in hope of rescue?" 

"No. It would just prolong the agony." 

"And no escape pods?" 

"No." 

"Can you stop the countdown?" 

"No, I programmed it to ignore all attempts to cancel it." He fiddled with some controls for a moment, sending the shields up, and then turned again to Kathryn. "Let's get you down to Sickbay. You need those injuries looked at…" 

"Is there any point?" she asked sadly. 

He knelt down and looked her squarely in the eyes, placing one hand gingerly on her knee. "I love you Kathryn Janeway. I've never loved anyone the way I love you. I want you to know that every moment we've had together has been utterly wonderful…." 

"Chakotay," she cried throwing her arms round him and making a monumental effort to ignore the pain searing through her, "I'm so sorry. I've treated you badly. I've wasted so much time. We could have been together a year now…." 

"Hush," he said, kissing her on the forehead. "You were worth the wait. I waited seven. What was one more? I was never going to give up on you." He kissed her again. "I love you so much…" 

"I love you too, Chakotay. I always did. Don't ever doubt it." 

Their lips met now, hungry, yet reassuring. The kiss stretched through the final silent seconds of the countdown. 

As they broke apart, Kathryn rested her head on his shoulder. The five minutes seemed to be lasting a very long time. She resisted the urge to glance at the chronometer. 

"Our baby will never be born," she lamented. 

"Oh, I think it will…" 

She looked up, realisation dawning now that five minutes should definitely have expired by now. The countdown stood at 00.00.00 and was no longer running. 

"Wait…what?" 

Chakotay laughed at her obvious consternation. "Computer, confirm command status." 

" _USS Voyager under command of Captain Chakotay._ " 

"Are there any lifeforms aboard other than Captain Chakotay and Admiral Janeway?" 

" _Negative._ " 

"Good. They're gone. Confirm shields at maximum." 

" _Shields at maximum._ " 

The open-mouthed woman began to pummel on his shoulders with her fists. "You piece of sh-t! You piece of sh-t! You let me think…" 

"It was worth it though…to get kissed by you like there was no tomorrow…," he laughed. 

She slumped back in the chair, exasperated, exhausted. "Are they really gone?" 

He crossed the Bridge to check the scanners. "Not an enemy vessel in range. We'll have to leave the shields up. Can't take any risks. And there's only the two of us to defend the ship." He came back to the helm and began to key in an exact reverse course. "Two pretty formidible people, I'd say," he added with a smile. "I think we can risk going to warp. The space around here is so empty. What do you think?" 

"Program in a random sequence of jumps to warp." 

"Shouldn't we go back for the crew?" 

"No. That's exactly what they'll expect us to do! They'd probably ambush us. Let Starfleet handle the rescue." 

"So we should sail off into the sunset…" 

"Something like that." 

Her suggestion was a wise one, and he altered the instructions to the helm. It was difficult with the cuffs still round his wrists, but somehow he managed. Almost immediately they felt a familiar lurch as Voyager jumped to warp. 

He stepped back, satisfied he'd put them out of immediate danger, and began rummaging around in a nearby locker for a phaser. 

"Can you get these off me?" he said, holding the phaser and his hands out to her. 

She nodded weakly. The brief rush of adrenaline that had sustained her as the chance of escape had presented itself was wearing away. Taking the phaser from him, she aimed it at a link in the chain. It took few seconds for it to break apart. 

"They fell for their own trick…" she said. 

"Yep. They did!" 

"How? How did you do it?" 

"I programmed the computer to simulate a certain sequence of events, including the self-destruct sequence on my authorisation, whilst never actually releasing command to Grax." 

"Ingenious." 

"I learnt from the best. It's exactly the sort of thing you would have done." 

"And you did all that in a couple of minutes…when we were abandoning ship?" 

"Yep." 

"I'm impressed. I never knew you were that good at hacking…" 

"Let's just say, I've been sharpening my skills…in a number of areas," he said dreamily, leaning in to kiss her again. "And I had a few dormant Maquis subroutines in the data-banks ready in case Voyager's Captain turned out to be the duplicitous Starfleet bitch some people were expecting...." 

"I knew about them." 

"You knew about them?" 

"Yes." She sucked in a gasp of pain, and it brought him back to his senses. "Oh spirits! Kathryn, I'm sorry I had to put you through all that. I had to have Grax convinced that my capitulation was under duress. He would never have swallowed it, if I'd given in too easily." Kathryn merely nodded her understanding. She knew how high the stakes had been. 

He stood, before helping her to her feet. "Up you come. Let's get you sorted out." She could barely stand, so he took her in his arms and started towards the lift. "So what about that wedding? Is it still on?" 

But she didn't answer. She was already fainting into him from the pain. 


	12. Chapter 12

He ran with her all the way to Sickbay, cajoling her to hang on, berating the turbolift for not moving faster. 

"Activate Emergency Medical Hologram!" he ordered, even as the doors were barely open. 

"Please state the nature of the medical emergency!" ordered an enthusiatic EMH Mark 2. 

"Over here!" said Chakotay, laying Kathryn on a bio-bed. "She's been burned...tortured. She's just lost consciousness...and she's pregnant." 

The doctor scanned his patient thoroughly. "Hmm," he said. 

"Hmm?" 

"Admiral Janeway," said the doctor, looking at his scanner suspiciously. 

A hypospray or two later, the doctor placed a clamp on her arm to infuse some fluids and monitor her progress. Chakotay paced up and down in agitation. 

The doctor delicately peeled away some of Kathryn's clothes and set to work with a tissue regenerator. Chakotay felt sick. He could hardly bear to look at the wounds he felt at least partially responsible for. 

"You will wear a hole in the carpet doing that!" complained the EMH. "I find it very distracting, and it won't help the patient one iota." 

"I'm sorry," answered Chakotay, coming to a halt. "I am the patient's fiancé, so forgive me if I am rather anxious. Is there something I can do to help?" 

"The best thing you can do is to keep out of my way and let me get on with my job. Constant interruption wastes my valuable time. Why don't you leave us and go and do whatever it is you go and do when I'm inactive?" he said, waving his hands in the air. 

Chakotay looked at the woolly haired hologram in exasperation. "You expect me to leave when my best friend and lover is lying badly injured and fighting for her life?" 

"Yes!" 

Chakotay glanced at him in frustration, but left him to work for a few minutes. 

"How is she?" he asked, as the doctor did not seem inclined to impart any information willingly. 

The doctor threw him a haughty look, suggesting he was being very inconvenienced by being asked questions. "Right now, I'm still stabilising her. Her blood pressure is erratic and she's lost some fluids. She has a number of burns to her body, some superficial, but at least three indicate deep tissue damage. She shows signs of recent malnourishment. All of which are perfectly treatable." 

"So she's going to be alright?" he said with relief. 

"After a few days' rest, certainly." 

"And the pregnancy?" 

"At the moment, it is not my priority. Suffice it to say that the monitor has not picked up any signs of haemorrhaging from the uterus which could indicate and imminent miscarriage." 

He cast his eyes sideways at Chakotay, who was looking pretty rough himself. "I assume you are the father." 

"Yes" 

"Then I suppose your interruptions are warranted. If you give me a few more minutes to treat the wounds, I'll do a uterine scan for you." 

Chakotay went into the Doctor's office for a while, accepting there was little he could do for the moment. He suddenly realised how thirsty he was, and he replicated himself a glass of water. 

His worried eyes often glanced through the glass at the hologram fussing over his patient. If he lost her now, he didn't know how he would bear it. No, he told himself, it wouldn't come to that. 

After about twenty minutes the doctor called him back. 

"I've done all I can for now. We will leave the tissue regenerator to do its job. It will need to keep working on the deeper wounds for another few hours at least. In the meantime, she is better sedated." 

"She's out of danger?" 

"Yes." 

"And the baby?" 

"I'm coming to that," responded the EMH impatiently. He scanned Kathryn's abdomen with a new device. "One male foetus, six weeks gestation, in perfect health," he pronounced triumphantly, as if it was all his own handiwork. 

"The baby's alright?" said Chakotay, grinning for the first time in hours. 

"Yes." 

"Her malnutrition hasn't affected it?" 

"No. The foetus acts like a parasite. It's the mother's body that suffers first." 

"A boy?" 

"Yes!" barked the EMH, sounding annoyed now. Chakotay laughed in relief, as he smoothed down the hair on the back of his head. "One curious thing...she was clutching some hair in her hand...alien hair." 

Chakotay couldn't believe it. "Hair?" 

"Yes. I have it here," said the doctor indicating quite a thick tuft of hair on a tray. Chakotay presumed it was Ilt's. Even in her agony, Kathryn had seized some opportunity to preserve a remnant of their captors, evidence that could be analysed to identify the race, if not the individual. She must have grabbed it from the man as she wrestled with him. 

"Did you identify the species?" 

"Not in the database. Superficial scans have not revealed a match." 

"Doctor, it needs to be preserved as evidence. Can you seal it in a forensic bag?" 

"What am I now? A detective?" grumbled the EMH, but he did as he was asked. 

"When will she come round?" 

"A few hours yet." 

"Then I will go to the Bridge. Contact me if there is any change?" 

"Aye, Captain." 

"Before I go, can you get these off me?" he asked holding out the remains of his handcuffs to him. 

"Are they life-threatening?" 

"No." 

"Then I suggest you ask an engineer. It is not within my operational parameters." 

"If we had one, I would. You, me and our patient here are the only beings on the ship." 

"The only beings on the ship? What were you thinking, bringing an undermanned ship into deep space?" 

"We had a full crew complement. They had to abandon ship." 

"Abandon ship? Is there an emergency?" he sounded, a little panicked. 

"Not any more." 

"So you lost them unnecessarily?" 

"You could say that." 

"Rather careless of you, Captain," said the doctor, looking for his laser scalpel. "How did you get these anyway?" 

"Let's just say, we've had some unwelcome visitors." 

  


* * *

  


Chakotay was quickly satisfied that the helm, left unattended, had steered the ship exactly as he had programmed it. Voyager had made two leaps at warp through space, taking them well away from their nemesis, in hopefully an unpredictable and untraceable direction. She was now on her third, and five more were programmed. They were still weeks from any inhabited planets, but he was not going set course for any civilised sector until he was certain they had no tail. 

He busied himself with checking ships' systems, and was glad that everything seemed to be performing at least on a functional level in engineering. He would be unlikely to be able to deal with any major problems alone. Kathryn was of course a highly skilled engineer amongst other things, but he wasn't going to let her anywhere near the engines for some time. 

He decided that he wasn't going to send a message to Starfleet just yet, in case it was intercepted. Starfleet backup was several weeks away. The Brimoris would just have to do without their mediators at the peace conference. No, Voyager might have to lay low, maybe hide in a Nebula. He'd power down the warp engines. Without a team of engineers to perform the necessary maintenance, it was a sensible precaution. They might have to limp to the nearest friendly spacestation on impulse, or sit tight and wait for the cavalry to arrive. It meant he and Kathryn would have to remain alone on Voyager for at least the forseeable future. Strangely, it was something that quite enticed him, so long as Kathryn had the medical treatment she needed. He figured the two of them could use the peace and quiet. No, they had the entire ship to themselves, and two vast holodecks at their complete disposal. He began to smile at the thought of the places he and Kathryn could visit without interruption. It could be just the thing they needed. 

He commed Sickbay once or twice during his absence, to be answered by a very impatient EMH, who finally told him she'd regained consciousness but was sleeping, and would he please stop acting like an over-anxious ninny. He smiled to himself. He'd thought the changed model was supposed to have an improved bedside manner. There was no way Kathryn would be able to stand him for long. 

He had a quick replicated meal, took himself briefly to his quarters for a shower and a change, and then returned to Kathryn's bedside. She was covered with a grey Starfleet blanket now, hiding the red skin that had newly generated over her wounds, and some of the doctor's instruments had gone. 

She looked peaceful, breathing easily now. He reached out his hand and touched an arm. 

"Kathryn," he said softly. 

Her eyes flickered open, and a small smile spread on her lips. She twisted awkwardly. "Chakotay." 

"How are you?" he asked, bending over to kiss her on the forehead. 

"A bit sore." 

"Doctor says you're going to be just fine. So's the baby." She nodded and tried to sit up. She had obviously heard this from the doctor already. "Hey, now. You have to rest." 

He fetched a chair, and sat beside her soothing her hand between his. 

"I'm sorry, love. I'm sorry I had to put you through that. I needed Grax convinced that I was so desperate to end your agony that I'd let the ship be destroyed, us with her, rather than allow you to suffer any more." 

Kathryn looked at him through sad watery eyes. It had been a terrible ordeal for her. "I understand, Chakotay. Physically, I will recover. Emotionally, it's not something I'm going to forget easily, but I do understand why you had to do it. I want you to know I don't blame you. I would have to have done exactly the same if our positions had been reversed." 

He kissed her. "You're amazing, you know that? How can you forgive me so easily for letting you be so horribly tortured, yet hardly speak to me for months for sleeping with Seven?" 

She looked at him curiously. How could he not understand the deep hurt she'd felt over that? "Those sort of wounds cut the deepest, Chakotay. You should know that. Sometimes they never heal." 

He squeezed her hand. "I was never trying to hurt you. I always hoped that we'd find our way back to each other." 

"I felt rejected." 

"You shouldn't have done. I tried to tell you I would come to you...somehow. You mean so much more to me than she ever did." 

"It's water under the bridge now." 

"So am I forgiven?" 

"I guess." 

"So...happy ever after, then?" 

"Not if we keep fighting with big ugly aliens." 

"Desk job sounding more appealing now, is it?" 

"Maybe." Her hands slid to her belly. "This little one needs more security." 

"We have some thinking to do. Some plans to make." 

"Well, we're not going anywhere in a hurry and we have a few days with nothing better to do." 

"We certainly do. I think it could be rather fun. Voyager all to ourselves. How does Paris sound? Or Risa? I've checked. The holodecks are free for the next...oh...six weeks or so." 

"Sounds wonderful. Just get me out of here. As soon as possible. That EMH is unbearable. He acts like some sort of petulant teenager. If I ever say anything rude about our dear Doctor again, please feel free to kick me." 

He closed his hand over hers, rubbing his thumb on the flat stone of the ring. It had been strangely dormant over the last week or so, as if it had sensed the predicament its owner was in. Suddenly, it sparked to life, sprinkling both sets of fingers with a fiery dance of light. It seemed brighter than ever before. Their eyes met in acknowledgement of its supernatural endorsement of their love and they both smiled. 

"I love you, Kathryn Janeway," he said. "Spirits, you've no idea how much I love you. And as soon as you're well again, I'm going to show you just how much." 


End file.
